Seeking satisfaction happens on many levels, on an array of topics, moment by moment with all of us. Quenching appetites is a daily job. Psalm 90:14 offers four surprising facts about the satisfaction that comes from God. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann highlight these surprising qualities and muse on how beautifully welcome each one is.

So much time, effort and energy goes into satisfying our appetites. Hunger, thirst, sleep, love, comfort, approval, accomplishment, affirmation, achievement are a few of the many cravings we try to satiate every day. Yet, God’s satisfaction is different - in four ways.

“O satisfy us early with thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. “ Psalm 90:14

Jesus lived among us. He taught us. But more importantly, he exampled for us “the way.” Now we have a chance to follow His lead. But how? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Katie Miller and Marcia Koch share their top three lessons learned from mentoring others.

Notes:  

·         Mentoring is more relational than educational.

o    Be vulnerable and trustworthy.

·         Everyone is unique.

o    Be careful not to over generalize.

·         The cross of Christ is central.

o    Everybody in every situation can be pointed to the cross.

·         The “self-talk” that people are saying to themselves matters.

o    Listen for lies.

·         Good questions are key.

o    Assume you don’t know and ask. Assume you still don’t know and clarify.

·         Regularity is more important than frequency.

o    Be there.

·         People are more than their issues.

o    Relate to people on a variety of levels.

·         The Holy Spirit is the change-agent.

o    Pray with people.

3…2…1… no launch. This is the experience of many parents hoping to launch their kids into this wide world. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Roger Gasser give sound counsel to parents who have kids on the launching pad.

Systems Check for Launch.

For Kids:

• Do they have roots?
• Do they have wings?
• Can they evaluate their thoughts?
• Can they regulate their emotions?
• Have they been taught about God?
• Can they learn from pain?
• Can they ask for help?
• Can they engage in the community?
• Does their independence include responsibility?

For Parents

• We are stewards of our children. We do not own them.
• We cannot dictate their beliefs and thoughts.
• God has plans for them.
• Do not protect them from pain.
• Do not protect them from failure.
• Do not make them into a version of yourself.
• Give them freedom to make choices.
• Expect to be disappointed at times.
• Anticipate handing over control to a larger community.

3...2...1... no launch. This is the experience of many parents hoping to launch their kids into this wide world. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Roger Gasser give sound counsel to parents who have kids on the launching pad.

Systems Check for Launch.

For Kids:

• Do they have roots?
• Do they have wings?
• Can they evaluate their thoughts?
• Can they regulate their emotions?
• Have they been taught about God?
• Can they learn from pain?
• Can they ask for help?
• Can they engage in the community?
• Does their independence include responsibility?

For Parents

• We are stewards of our children. We do not own them.
• We cannot dictate their beliefs and thoughts.
• God has plans for them.
• Do not protect them from pain.
• Do not protect them from failure.
• Do not make them into a version of yourself.
• Give them freedom to make choices.
• Expect to be disappointed at times.
• Anticipate handing over control to a larger community.
•  

Infertility is a private loss many couples experience. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tyler and Casey Zimmerman share their story. Their journey will accent the uniqueness of the infertility pain. It will resonate with the losses that are common among us and it will heighten God’s unique and common love to all His children.

Like a fingerprint, infertility pain is common to all sorts of pain and yet unique.

• Infertility is a private pain. “People have no idea of my pain.”
• Infertility struggles to have closure. “It impacts every phase of life.”
• Infertility pain is cyclic. “Maybe next month?”
• Infertility grief is ambiguous. “I’m grieving what might have been, but I don’t know what that even is.”
• Infertility can produce shame. “Why is God keeping children from us?”
• Infertility has administrational headaches. “Why won’t insurance cover this treatment?”
• Infertility treatment intrudes on your privacy. “Do you really need to know that?”
• Infertility robs normalcy. “Everything about getting and having kids is different. The announcement, the baby shower, the experience, is different.”

Yet…

• Infertility, like all pain, is seen by God.
• Infertility, like all pain, is best cared for in a loving community.
• Infertility, like all pain, can be that place where we meet God.

Infertility is a private loss many couples experience. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tyler and Casey Zimmerman share their story. Their journey will accent the uniqueness of the infertility pain. It will resonate with the losses that are common among us and it will heighten God’s unique and common love to all His children.

Like a fingerprint, infertility pain is common to all sorts of pain and yet unique.

• Infertility is a private pain. “People have no idea of my pain.”
• Infertility struggles to have closure. “It impacts every phase of life.”
• Infertility pain is cyclic. “Maybe next month?”
• Infertility grief is ambiguous. “I’m grieving what might have been, but I don’t know what that even is.”
• Infertility can produce shame. “Why is God keeping children from us?”
• Infertility has administrational headaches. “Why won’t insurance cover this treatment?”
• Infertility treatment intrudes on your privacy. “Do you really need to know that?”
• Infertility robs normalcy. “Everything about getting and having kids is different. The announcement, the baby shower, the experience, is different.”

Yet…

• Infertility, like all pain, is seen by God.
• Infertility, like all pain, is best cared for in a loving community.
• Infertility, like all pain, can be that place where we meet God.

Our teenage kids are under construction and construction zones are messy.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Jeff Waibel give us a few tips for understanding these formative years. Knowing a few things can go a long way in helping us get through the construction.

• Remember you were a teen once. Attempt to put yourself in their shoes.
• Remember to hear the message behind their behavior. What are they saying to you? Often young people don’t have the words, skills or maturity to say what they feel. Nevertheless, their actions are trying to tell you something. Some messages might be:
  • “I need your attention.”
  • “Do you love me?”
  • “I am embarrassed.”
  • “I feel guilty.”
• Remember, whatever decision or behavior teenagers choose, it made logical sense to them. Ask them to help you understand their thinking. Follow up by asking them if they want to know how their behavior made you feel.
• Remember their brain is still being developed. Their personality, sense of humor and ability to measure risk are all in the process of being formed.
• Remember they are working out who they are – their identity. They are gaining ownership of their own values and beliefs.
• Remember there are battles not worth fighting. Choose those battles that are central to your family’s values. Make big deals out of big deals and make small deals out of small deals.
• Remember “the lecture” has never been effective.
• Remember to share your views, faith and passion through conversations your teens will want to join. In this way we walk side-by-side and are not always nose-to-nose.

Our teenage kids are under construction and construction zones are messy.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Jeff Waibel give us a few tips for understanding these formative years. Knowing a few things can go a long way in helping us get through the construction.

• Remember you were a teen once. Attempt to put yourself in their shoes.
• Remember to hear the message behind their behavior. What are they saying to you? Often young people don’t have the words, skills or maturity to say what they feel. Nevertheless, their actions are trying to tell you something. Some messages might be:
  • “I need your attention.”
  • “Do you love me?”
  • “I am embarrassed.”
  • “I feel guilty.”
• Remember, whatever decision or behavior teenagers choose, it made logical sense to them. Ask them to help you understand their thinking. Follow up by asking them if they want to know how their behavior made you feel.
• Remember their brain is still being developed. Their personality, sense of humor and ability to measure risk are all in the process of being formed.
• Remember they are working out who they are – their identity. They are gaining ownership of their own values and beliefs.
• Remember there are battles not worth fighting. Choose those battles that are central to your family’s values. Make big deals out of big deals and make small deals out of small deals.
• Remember “the lecture” has never been effective.
• Remember to share your views, faith and passion through conversations your teens will want to join. In this way we walk side-by-side and are not always nose-to-nose.

Shaming our kids - good intentions, yet with unintended poor consequences. We’ve all done it. Parenting out of exasperation. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter take a careful look at the messages we are sending our kids. Fortunately, a very healthy and redemptive future is possible.

When the last of the children leave the home, couples enter the “empty nest” phase of marriage. For some, this moment is met with welcome anticipation. For others trepidation. But for all, the moment marks a transition. All transitions require a certain level of relational care. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Roger Gasser and Kaleb Beyer speak into the care needed to thrive in this transition.

There are a few things that prove helpful to understand when entering the empty nest phase of marriage:

• Understand empty nesting begins by way of a transition. Transitions move us from an old normal to a new normal. By nature, transitions can be disorienting. But with time and effort, a satisfying new normal can be achieved.
• Understand the transition that needs to happen will circle closely to the change in roles that must transpire. Such a shift in roles may very well require a grieving of a past role and an acceptance of a new one.
• Understand the role-shift experience will be felt differently from one spouse to another. For example, a wife who found her identity in rearing the children will undergo a larger shift than a husband who defines his identity apart from the children.
• Understand empty nesting may affect the way couples connect. Connection can be understood by three criterions: availability, responsiveness, and engagement.
• Understand flexibility will be key to thriving. Learning to share your family and your time will go a long way toward being able to find contentment and joy in the empty nest phase of marriage.

Signposts are helpful and orienting. They are helpful in guiding us from point A to point B. They are orienting because they assure us we are still on the right road. In this podcast series, Kaleb Beyer walks us through six signposts on the road to recovery from sexual betrayal. These signposts are both helpful and orienting.

Six Signposts:

1. Appropriate disclosure: Betrayal plays on the illusion of truth. Through appropriate disclosure truth is brought to bear allowing for new relationship foundations to be set.
2. Betrayal Trauma: It is important for the betrayer to understand the trauma that betrayal causes. Trauma will explain many of the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of your betrayed spouse.
3. Triggers: Recovery will include triggers. In moments of trigger, you will be convinced forward motion is not happening. Yet, if you understand the nature of triggers, you will understand that you are in motion. Being able to evaluate this motion is important.
4. Understanding addiction: The betrayed needs to understand the nature of addiction. Such understanding will help them understand the betraying spouse and why they do the things they do.
5. Healthy boundaries: Boundaries protect. Spouses help protect the other by establishing boundaries. By way of boundaries, both safety and trust is built.
6. Forgiveness: Following Christ’s example, couples extend the grace each needs to move forward.

Signposts are helpful and orienting. They are helpful in guiding us from point A to point B. They are orienting because they assure us we are still on the right road. In this podcast series, Kaleb Beyer walks us through six signposts on the road to recovery from sexual betrayal. These signposts are both helpful and orienting.

Six Signposts:

1. 1. Appropriate disclosure: Betrayal plays on the illusion of truth. Through appropriate disclosure truth is brought to bear allowing for new relationship foundations to be set.
   2. Betrayal Trauma: It is important for the betrayer to understand the trauma that betrayal causes. Trauma will explain many of the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of your betrayed spouse.
   3. Triggers: Recovery will include triggers. In moments of trigger, you will be convinced forward motion is not happening. Yet, if you understand the nature of triggers, you will understand that you are in motion. Being able to evaluate this motion is important.
   4. Understanding addiction: The betrayed needs to understand the nature of addiction. Such understanding will help them understand the betraying spouse and why they do the things they do.
   5. Healthy boundaries: Boundaries protect. Spouses help protect the other by establishing boundaries. By way of boundaries, both safety and trust is built.
   6. Forgiveness: Following Christ’s example, couples extend the grace each needs to move forward.

Believers care about calling. Is God calling me to this assignment? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amber Miller (Missionary Care Director) helps us see calling as more than the assignment. She gives 5 suggestions for understanding what it means to be called.

Five important perspectives on following God’s call:

1. There is purpose in the process of working out one’s calling.

God is not only interested in the final assignment. He wants to use the process of discernment to grow us.

2. We are sent after the pattern of Christ’s sending.

“As my Father hath sent me, even so send I you.” John 20:21

3. Calling has much to do with who we are.

We are called into being. Be a royal priesthood the Scriptures say.

4. Calling is more than an assignment.

Calling should not be compartmentalized. Instead, our work, home and church lives flow out of one calling.

5. Calling is confirmed in community.

Fellow believers help us determine if God is calling us to certain assignments.

amiller@harvestcall.org

Learn and Discern Groups: www.harvestcall.org/learn-discern

Meditation is in vogue. Mindfulness is in fashion. yet, the Scriptures have spoken to this discipline for several millennia. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter walks us through the what, why and how of meditation.

Show notes:

Behind our vices is often a lie we believe. Reversing the lie goes a long way in reversing the vice. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan and Matt speak to the health that comes by way of truth. As truth embodied, Christ wants to upset our lies.

PROBLEM STATEMENT:

We live in a broken world and wounds happen. Furthermore, wounds compound and compact on top of each other. They build up over time. While some wounds are huge (abuse, etc) wounds don’t have to be huge to be impactful. In fact, often, the subtle unnoticed hurts pack the biggest punch because they go without our notice and their effect is assumed negligible.

FACT:

Wounds give way to lies and lies give way to vice.

GOAL:

A healthy life skill is being able to heal from the wounding we are bound to get.

HOW:

1. Identify the lie you believe.
2. Replace it with truth.
3. Support the truth with repetition.

EFFECT:

Truth will have a living effect on our lives. We will begin to live according to the truth.

Example:

• WOUND: When Jill was young, she was told by a teacher she wished she was smart like her older sister.
• LIE: Jill believed that she would never be “good enough”.
• VICE: Jill began to long for approval. She would seek for it in all the wrong places.
• REPAIR: Jill came to understand the favor God has for her.
• EFFECT: Jill is settled in God’s approval and does not seek for it in unhealthy places.

There is a path through grief. Helping our grieving teens make progress along that path is so important. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Craig Stickling give us practical tips on doing just that.

Things to remember as you walk with a grieving teen:

• Acknowledge the difficulty.
• Listen to their thoughts and feelings.
• Ask for permission.
• Remember anniversaries.
• Remember the intensity of grief will over time subside.
• Healing comes by moving though the grief cycle. https://www.accounseling.org/phases-of-grief/
• Healing comes by processing the loss.
• Healing comes by connecting with Christ.
• Healing comes by acceptance.
• Healing comes by doing.
• Healing is possible.

Grief is always hard no matter the age. Yet, our teens experience a unique challenge when it comes to working through loss. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Craig Stickling walk us through the complexities of grief on the maturing heart and mind.

Grief and loss can be troubling to teens...

• Their knowledge is outpacing their experience.
• Their notion of a safe world is challenged.
• While they are learning to take control of various aspects of their lives, they learn that they don’t have control.
• Grief can be unsettling during a time when they are forming their identity.

While a teen’s grieving experience varies dramatically, it will likely include...

• Shock
• Denial
• Depression
• Anger
• Sometimes confusing competing emotions https://www.accounseling.org/grief-and-emotions/

The cigarette is falling out of favor with the general public. Stepping into its place and gaining favor is the modernized e-cigarette. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Dr. Aaron Plattner helps us understand the growing appeal of vaping.

Sometimes little things make big differences. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer relays three small things that exist in happy marriages.

3 Small Things

Be Purposeful

• Highly happy couples generously focus on what their mate is giving to them. The spouse, in turn, deliberately tries to give back.

Be Present

• Highly happy couples fully invest emotionally in their marriage by risking vulnerability; this leads to a dramatically increased security and happiness in the relationship.

Be Positive

• Highly happy couples give their spouse most of the credit for their relationship success – and they live in regular, conscious gratitude as a result.

Taken from “The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference” by Shaunti Feldhahn

Like a faulty check engine light that comes on prematurely, some consciences trigger signals of guilt when they shouldn’t be triggered. This is called false guilt. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr explains the difference and how to detect if that check engine light is real or not.

• True guilt is grounded in truth.
• False guilt is grounded in feelings.
• True guilt motivates us to deal with sin and move forward.
• False guilt causes us to stall and spin in confession.
• True guilt listens to scriptural objectivity.
• False guilt listens to anxiety and depression.

How to deal with false guilt: A person dealing with false guilt typically hold themselves to standards they would not impose on others. They may benefit from getting perspective and counsel from other people. They should focus on moving forward and will need to elevate Christ’s promises to them and not allow their feelings to undermine the truth.

Both guilt and shame are similar feelings. Both can be triggered for similar reasons. But they each motivate us toward drastically different ends. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. sorts out the distinctions between guilt and shame and how we should respond to each.

Birth is sacred and yet, so is death. For many people they will have the opportunity and responsibility to care for their folks as they age and pass. This responsibility is met with challenges, difficulties, opportunities, and blessings. Roger Gasser and Tim Funk let us in on some of these responsibilities and help prepare us to walk these important days with our aging parents.

• Realize the aging process of giving up control.
  • Give parents control where you can, as control is taken away.
• Realize every situation is difficult.
  • Be careful when comparing your situation to the next. They are not the same.
• Realize communication with the entire family is important.
  • Be patient with family members as understanding comes at different rates and at different times.
• Realize grief management is needed. From physical to emotional, the losses are many.
  • Walk with your loved one through the cycle of grief.
• Realize that guilt on many levels is likely.
  • Use the following stems often: "I love you." "Please forgive me." "I forgive you." "Thank you."

At some level, we all want to be successful. Yet success can have ill-effects. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Fred Witzig tackle this topic of success. Approaching the topic from a historical, clinical and biblical perspective helps provide insight into this “success” we all want.

Show Notes:

How healthy is my success?

• Success should promote humility.
• Success should not promote arrogance.
• Success should promote thanksgiving.
• Success should not promote entitlement.
• Success should promote a dependence on God.
• Success should not promote an independence from God.
• Success should promote a healthy mind.
• Success should not promote out of balance.
• Success should promote good relationships.
• Success should not promote negligence.
• Success should promote a healthy view of God.
• Success should not promote misconceptions of God.
• Success should promote a high view of people.
• Success should not promote a condescending view of people.
• Success should promote joy.

Conviction of truth. Compassion for people. Context for our society. And comfort in Christ. These are our goals. Join Ted Witzig Jr. as he speaks to the important topic of gender and sexual identity with grace and truth.

Conviction of truth. Compassion for people. Context for our society. And comfort in Christ. These are our goals. Join Ted Witzig Jr. as he speaks to the important topic of gender and sexual identity with grace and truth.

Conviction of Truth

• Mark 10:6-9
  • Gender is a divine creation.
  • Marriage between a man and a woman is a divine institution.
  • Fidelity is the divine intention.

Compassion for People

• See people as Christ sees them. Love them.
  • We are created in God’s image.
  • We are loved by God.
  • We have undying souls.
  • We are in need of salvation.

Context for our Society

• Common Cultural Script
  • I feel attracted to my same sex.
  • Attraction is a central identifier to who I am as a person.
  • Happiness is found in fulfillment of my identity.
  • I must live out my same sex attraction to flourish as a person.
• People do not choose their sexual attraction. Attraction is complex.
• Changing sexual attraction is not simple. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it does not.

Comfort in Christ

• Jesus attracted people who had brokenness.
• The repair that Jesus offers is much deeper than sexual orientation.
• Jesus offers us an alternative script and it is good news for all of us.
  • I feel attracted to my same sex. This is just one example of brokenness in my life.
  • Sexual attraction is not the central identifier of my life. Rather, my identity in Christ is who I am at the core.
  • Happiness is found in fulfillment of my identity in Christ.
  • Human flourishing happens when I am conformed to Christ’s likeness. Thus, I do not need to act on sinful sexual urges.
• Jesus offers the good news of conversion to anyone who wants it. A transformation occurs when we were once slaves to our brokenness and become new creatures with new minds set free to live according to Christ’s example.