We do what we can to prevent our children from being exposed to pornography. But what if they do become exposed? First time exposure to porn can have long lasting effects on the young mind. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Jacob Feucht coach parents on the do’s and don’ts of engaging our children after exposure.
Show notes:
Consider the following tips if your child has a first time exposure to pornography.
What NOT to do:
Avoid shaming.
This can lead to isolation.
Avoid despair.
This can communicate to the child that irreparable damage has been done.
Avoid rage.
This can drive the issue underground and breakdown communication on the topic of sexuality.
Avoid ignoring.
This will not care for the trauma that has occurred and allow the behavior to go unchecked.
What TO do:
Receive the child in love.
This can prevent shame.
Receive the child with question.
This can give parents the necessary insights to appropriately care for the child.
Receive the child with correction.
This will give the child wise guidance.
Receive the child with patience.
This will allow for an ongoing conversation on the topic of sexuality.
Questions to ask:
What was viewed?
This helps the parent understand what the child has experienced and what ideas have been reinforced.
How did it happen?
This helps the parent coach healthy pro-action and future prevention.
What effect did the exposure have on you?
This allows the parent to demystify and give vocabulary to the experience so that a young person can begin to make sense of it and talk about it.
What did you imagine mom or dad would think about your exposure?
This allows the parent to correct or highlight their perspective on exposure to pornography.
Perspective to keep:
Pornography exposure is not uncommon. If it occurs and complications arise, there is tremendous hope. A lot of help is available for those who struggle with pornography.
Pornography exposure is an opportunity for parents to engage with their children in a wonderful way. Healthy intimate relationships between parents and children can occur as parents walk with their children through the sexual maturation process.
The goal is not keeping our children from pornography; rather, it is growing up our children into healthy young men and women who love God and serve him.
Difficult children demand a lot from parents. Wonderfully, easy children do not. Yet, the easy child should not be overlooked. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling reads a letter from an easy child to her parents. It helps us see the errors we can make when neglecting our easy ones. Moreover, the undue burden that can be placed on them unwittingly.
Show Notes:
Definition: Some children require a lot of parenting. Whether it is a streak of rebellion or special needs, these children might provide parents a unique challenge. We might understand them to be “difficult”.
Definition: Some children do not require a lot of parenting. Whether it is their resilience to respond well to adversity or their innate disposition to please people, these children do not deplete parenting bandwidth. We might understand them to be “easy”.
Problem statement: Parents can overlook the needs of their easy children.
Ill consequences:
Parenting opportunity:
* Note: The letter written by a child and read by Craig on the podcast was shared with permission of the author.