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Breaking Bread Podcast

Around the meal table, needs are met. As participants we celebrate the common solution to our physical need - bread. While we do so, bread of another type is broken as well. Help, hope and encouragement are shared to meet the needs of our struggles, heartaches and questions. Breaking Bread is reminiscent of these life giving conversations. This podcast strives to meet some of our common needs through our common solution – The Bread of Life.
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Around the meal table, needs are met. As participants we celebrate the common solution to our physical need - bread. While we do so, bread of another type is broken as well. Help, hope and encouragement are shared to meet the needs of our struggles, heartaches and questions. Breaking Bread is reminiscent of these life giving conversations. This podcast strives to meet some of our common needs through our common solution – The Bread of Life.

Apr 5, 2021

Our teenage kids are under construction and construction zones are messy.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Jeff Waibel give us a few tips for understanding these formative years. Knowing a few things can go a long way in helping us get through the construction.

  • Remember you were a teen once. Attempt to put yourself in their shoes.
  • Remember to hear the message behind their behavior. What are they saying to you? Often young people don’t have the words, skills or maturity to say what they feel. Nevertheless, their actions are trying to tell you something. Some messages might be:
    • “I need your attention.”
    • “Do you love me?”
    • “I am embarrassed.”
    • “I feel guilty.”
  • Remember, whatever decision or behavior teenagers choose, it made logical sense to them. Ask them to help you understand their thinking. Follow up by asking them if they want to know how their behavior made you feel.
  • Remember their brain is still being developed. Their personality, sense of humor and ability to measure risk are all in the process of being formed.
  • Remember they are working out who they are – their identity. They are gaining ownership of their own values and beliefs.
  • Remember there are battles not worth fighting. Choose those battles that are central to your family’s values. Make big deals out of big deals and make small deals out of small deals.
  • Remember “the lecture” has never been effective.
  • Remember to share your views, faith and passion through conversations your teens will want to join. In this way we walk side-by-side and are not always nose-to-nose.
Mar 22, 2021

Our teenage kids are under construction and construction zones are messy.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Jeff Waibel give us a few tips for understanding these formative years. Knowing a few things can go a long way in helping us get through the construction.

  • Remember you were a teen once. Attempt to put yourself in their shoes.
  • Remember to hear the message behind their behavior. What are they saying to you? Often young people don’t have the words, skills or maturity to say what they feel. Nevertheless, their actions are trying to tell you something. Some messages might be:
    • “I need your attention.”
    • “Do you love me?”
    • “I am embarrassed.”
    • “I feel guilty.”
  • Remember, whatever decision or behavior teenagers choose, it made logical sense to them. Ask them to help you understand their thinking. Follow up by asking them if they want to know how their behavior made you feel.
  • Remember their brain is still being developed. Their personality, sense of humor and ability to measure risk are all in the process of being formed.
  • Remember they are working out who they are – their identity. They are gaining ownership of their own values and beliefs.
  • Remember there are battles not worth fighting. Choose those battles that are central to your family’s values. Make big deals out of big deals and make small deals out of small deals.
  • Remember “the lecture” has never been effective.
  • Remember to share your views, faith and passion through conversations your teens will want to join. In this way we walk side-by-side and are not always nose-to-nose.
Mar 8, 2021

Shaming our kids - good intentions, yet with unintended poor consequences. We’ve all done it. Parenting out of exasperation. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter take a careful look at the messages we are sending our kids. Fortunately, a very healthy and redemptive future is possible.

 

What is Shame?

Effects of Shame

Examples of Parental Shame

High-stakes Moments for Shame

How do we unwind Shame?

Discipline that doesn’t

Shame.

Nature of Shame

The idea that a person is, at their core, bad, unwanted and beyond repair.

Shame pushes your child into isolation.

“I don’t care!”

When our kids are being creative.

Call your child out from hiding and into community.

Separates their behavior from their personal worth.

Shame shames.

 

Shame says there is no hope. Because I’m broken and no one wants me.

“You are the only 10-year-old who doesn’t get this!”

When our kids are being vulnerable.

Enjoy your kids.

Breaks the will but not the spirit.

We will shame and will be shamed.

 

 

“You will never amount to anything!”

When we downplay interests and abilities that they have because they don’t match our expectations.

Celebrate their person.

Support guilt where it is appropriate.

Shame plays on lies and perpetuates lies.

Feb 22, 2021

When the last of the children leave the home, couples enter the “empty nest” phase of marriage. For some, this moment is met with welcome anticipation. For others trepidation. But for all, the moment marks a transition. All transitions require a certain level of relational care. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Roger Gasser and Kaleb Beyer speak into the care needed to thrive in this transition.

There are a few things that prove helpful to understand when entering the empty nest phase of marriage:

  • Understand empty nesting begins by way of a transition. Transitions move us from an old normal to a new normal. By nature, transitions can be disorienting. But with time and effort, a satisfying new normal can be achieved.
  • Understand the transition that needs to happen will circle closely to the change in roles that must transpire. Such a shift in roles may very well require a grieving of a past role and an acceptance of a new one.
  • Understand the role-shift experience will be felt differently from one spouse to another. For example, a wife who found her identity in rearing the children will undergo a larger shift than a husband who defines his identity apart from the children.
  • Understand empty nesting may affect the way couples connect. Connection can be understood by three criterions: availability, responsiveness, and engagement.
  • Understand flexibility will be key to thriving. Learning to share your family and your time will go a long way toward being able to find contentment and joy in the empty nest phase of marriage.
Feb 8, 2021

Signposts are helpful and orienting. They are helpful in guiding us from point A to point B. They are orienting because they assure us we are still on the right road. In this podcast series, Kaleb Beyer walks us through six signposts on the road to recovery from sexual betrayal. These signposts are both helpful and orienting.

Six Signposts:

  1. Appropriate disclosure: Betrayal plays on the illusion of truth. Through appropriate disclosure truth is brought to bear allowing for new relationship foundations to be set.
  2. Betrayal Trauma: It is important for the betrayer to understand the trauma that betrayal causes. Trauma will explain many of the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of your betrayed spouse.
  3. Triggers: Recovery will include triggers. In moments of trigger, you will be convinced forward motion is not happening. Yet, if you understand the nature of triggers, you will understand that you are in motion. Being able to evaluate this motion is important.
  4. Understanding addiction: The betrayed needs to understand the nature of addiction. Such understanding will help them understand the betraying spouse and why they do the things they do.
  5. Healthy boundaries: Boundaries protect. Spouses help protect the other by establishing boundaries. By way of boundaries, both safety and trust is built.
  6. Forgiveness: Following Christ’s example, couples extend the grace each needs to move forward.
Jan 25, 2021

Signposts are helpful and orienting. They are helpful in guiding us from point A to point B. They are orienting because they assure us we are still on the right road. In this podcast series, Kaleb Beyer walks us through six signposts on the road to recovery from sexual betrayal. These signposts are both helpful and orienting.

Six Signposts:

    1. Appropriate disclosure: Betrayal plays on the illusion of truth. Through appropriate disclosure truth is brought to bear allowing for new relationship foundations to be set.
    2. Betrayal Trauma: It is important for the betrayer to understand the trauma that betrayal causes. Trauma will explain many of the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of your betrayed spouse.
    3. Triggers: Recovery will include triggers. In moments of trigger, you will be convinced forward motion is not happening. Yet, if you understand the nature of triggers, you will understand that you are in motion. Being able to evaluate this motion is important.
    4. Understanding addiction: The betrayed needs to understand the nature of addiction. Such understanding will help them understand the betraying spouse and why they do the things they do.
    5. Healthy boundaries: Boundaries protect. Spouses help protect the other by establishing boundaries. By way of boundaries, both safety and trust is built.
    6. Forgiveness: Following Christ’s example, couples extend the grace each needs to move forward.
Jan 11, 2021

Believers care about calling. Is God calling me to this assignment? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amber Miller (Missionary Care Director) helps us see calling as more than the assignment. She gives 5 suggestions for understanding what it means to be called.

Five important perspectives on following God’s call:

  1. There is purpose in the process of working out one’s calling.

God is not only interested in the final assignment. He wants to use the process of discernment to grow us.

  1. We are sent after the pattern of Christ’s sending.

“As my Father hath sent me, even so send I you.” John 20:21

  1. Calling has much to do with who we are.

We are called into being. Be a royal priesthood the Scriptures say.

  1. Calling is more than an assignment.

Calling should not be compartmentalized. Instead, our work, home and church lives flow out of one calling.

  1. Calling is confirmed in community.

Fellow believers help us determine if God is calling us to certain assignments.

amiller@harvestcall.org

Learn and Discern Groups: www.harvestcall.org/learn-discern

Dec 28, 2020

Meditation is in vogue. Mindfulness is in fashion. yet, the Scriptures have spoken to this discipline for several millennia. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter walks us through the what, why and how of meditation.

Show notes:

Question Answer
What is meditation? Meditation is deliberately setting our mind on a certain thing and remaining with our mind set upon it.
Why should we meditate? Through the discipline of meditation, we become more mentally healthy as well as spiritually healthy people. The reason for this is because our thoughts give attention to those things that are true.
In what ways is meditation a skill set? Meditation is a skill set because it is a learned and practiced skill by which a person can more fully focus their attention on a selected matter of the mind.
What lies at the center of meditation? Attention lies at the core of mediation. Dismissing unwanted distractions and focusing on desired interests is key.
What qualities do I need to have in order to meditate well? Patience and focus are required for meditation.
How do I meditate? To meditate, we must slow down, identify a matter to contemplate on, focus on that matter with curiosity, remain with that matter over time.
How is mediation different than Bible study? In Bible study, we are the agent, and the Scriptures are the subject we act upon. In meditation, we are the subject, and the Scriptures is the agent that act on us.
Are mindfulness and meditation the same thing? Yes. These terms are similar. Mindfulness is focusing on the present moment.
When is meditation unwise? Meditation is unwise when we adopt the modern notion that truth lies within us and meditation seeks to access that self-goodness.
Dec 14, 2020

Behind our vices is often a lie we believe. Reversing the lie goes a long way in reversing the vice. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan and Matt speak to the health that comes by way of truth. As truth embodied, Christ wants to upset our lies.

PROBLEM STATEMENT:

We live in a broken world and wounds happen. Furthermore, wounds compound and compact on top of each other. They build up over time. While some wounds are huge (abuse, etc) wounds don’t have to be huge to be impactful. In fact, often, the subtle unnoticed hurts pack the biggest punch because they go without our notice and their effect is assumed negligible.

FACT:

Wounds give way to lies and lies give way to vice.

GOAL:

A healthy life skill is being able to heal from the wounding we are bound to get.

HOW:

  1. Identify the lie you believe.
  2. Replace it with truth.
  3. Support the truth with repetition.

EFFECT:

Truth will have a living effect on our lives. We will begin to live according to the truth.

Example:

  • WOUND: When Jill was young, she was told by a teacher she wished she was smart like her older sister.
  • LIE: Jill believed that she would never be “good enough”.
  • VICE: Jill began to long for approval. She would seek for it in all the wrong places.
  • REPAIR: Jill came to understand the favor God has for her.
  • EFFECT: Jill is settled in God’s approval and does not seek for it in unhealthy places.
Nov 30, 2020

There is a path through grief. Helping our grieving teens make progress along that path is so important. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Craig Stickling give us practical tips on doing just that.

Things to remember as you walk with a grieving teen:

  • Acknowledge the difficulty.
  • Listen to their thoughts and feelings.
  • Ask for permission.
  • Remember anniversaries.
  • Remember the intensity of grief will over time subside.
  • Healing comes by moving though the grief cycle. https://www.accounseling.org/phases-of-grief/
  • Healing comes by processing the loss.
  • Healing comes by connecting with Christ.
  • Healing comes by acceptance.
  • Healing comes by doing.
  • Healing is possible.
Nov 14, 2020

Grief is always hard no matter the age. Yet, our teens experience a unique challenge when it comes to working through loss. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Craig Stickling walk us through the complexities of grief on the maturing heart and mind.

Grief and loss can be troubling to teens...

  • Their knowledge is outpacing their experience.
  • Their notion of a safe world is challenged.
  • While they are learning to take control of various aspects of their lives, they learn that they don’t have control.
  • Grief can be unsettling during a time when they are forming their identity.

While a teen’s grieving experience varies dramatically, it will likely include...

Nov 2, 2020

The cigarette is falling out of favor with the general public. Stepping into its place and gaining favor is the modernized e-cigarette. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Dr. Aaron Plattner helps us understand the growing appeal of vaping.

Oct 19, 2020

Sometimes little things make big differences. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer relays three small things that exist in happy marriages.

3 Small Things

Be Purposeful

  • Highly happy couples generously focus on what their mate is giving to them. The spouse, in turn, deliberately tries to give back.

Be Present

  • Highly happy couples fully invest emotionally in their marriage by risking vulnerability; this leads to a dramatically increased security and happiness in the relationship.

Be Positive

  • Highly happy couples give their spouse most of the credit for their relationship success – and they live in regular, conscious gratitude as a result.

Taken from “The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference” by Shaunti Feldhahn

Oct 5, 2020

Like a faulty check engine light that comes on prematurely, some consciences trigger signals of guilt when they shouldn’t be triggered. This is called false guilt. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr explains the difference and how to detect if that check engine light is real or not.

  • True guilt is grounded in truth.
  • False guilt is grounded in feelings.
  • True guilt motivates us to deal with sin and move forward.
  • False guilt causes us to stall and spin in confession.
  • True guilt listens to scriptural objectivity.
  • False guilt listens to anxiety and depression.

How to deal with false guilt: A person dealing with false guilt typically hold themselves to standards they would not impose on others. They may benefit from getting perspective and counsel from other people. They should focus on moving forward and will need to elevate Christ’s promises to them and not allow their feelings to undermine the truth.

Sep 21, 2020

Both guilt and shame are similar feelings. Both can be triggered for similar reasons. But they each motivate us toward drastically different ends. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. sorts out the distinctions between guilt and shame and how we should respond to each.

Sep 7, 2020

Birth is sacred and yet, so is death. For many people they will have the opportunity and responsibility to care for their folks as they age and pass. This responsibility is met with challenges, difficulties, opportunities, and blessings. Roger Gasser and Tim Funk let us in on some of these responsibilities and help prepare us to walk these important days with our aging parents.

  • Realize the aging process of giving up control.
    • Give parents control where you can, as control is taken away.
  • Realize every situation is difficult.
    • Be careful when comparing your situation to the next. They are not the same.
  • Realize communication with the entire family is important.
    • Be patient with family members as understanding comes at different rates and at different times.
  • Realize grief management is needed. From physical to emotional, the losses are many.
    • Walk with your loved one through the cycle of grief.
  • Realize that guilt on many levels is likely.
    • Use the following stems often: "I love you." "Please forgive me." "I forgive you." "Thank you."
Aug 21, 2020

At some level, we all want to be successful. Yet success can have ill-effects. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Fred Witzig tackle this topic of success. Approaching the topic from a historical, clinical and biblical perspective helps provide insight into this “success” we all want.

Show Notes:

How healthy is my success?

  • Success should promote humility.
  • Success should not promote arrogance.
  • Success should promote thanksgiving.
  • Success should not promote entitlement.
  • Success should promote a dependence on God.
  • Success should not promote an independence from God.
  • Success should promote a healthy mind.
  • Success should not promote out of balance.
  • Success should promote good relationships.
  • Success should not promote negligence.
  • Success should promote a healthy view of God.
  • Success should not promote misconceptions of God.
  • Success should promote a high view of people.
  • Success should not promote a condescending view of people.
  • Success should promote joy.
Aug 10, 2020

Conviction of truth. Compassion for people. Context for our society. And comfort in Christ. These are our goals. Join Ted Witzig Jr. as he speaks to the important topic of gender and sexual identity with grace and truth.

Jul 27, 2020

Conviction of truth. Compassion for people. Context for our society. And comfort in Christ. These are our goals. Join Ted Witzig Jr. as he speaks to the important topic of gender and sexual identity with grace and truth.

Conviction of Truth

  • Mark 10:6-9
    • Gender is a divine creation.
    • Marriage between a man and a woman is a divine institution.
    • Fidelity is the divine intention.

Compassion for People

  • See people as Christ sees them. Love them.
    • We are created in God’s image.
    • We are loved by God.
    • We have undying souls.
    • We are in need of salvation.

Context for our Society

  • Common Cultural Script
    • I feel attracted to my same sex.
    • Attraction is a central identifier to who I am as a person.
    • Happiness is found in fulfillment of my identity.
    • I must live out my same sex attraction to flourish as a person.
  • People do not choose their sexual attraction. Attraction is complex.
  • Changing sexual attraction is not simple. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it does not.

Comfort in Christ

  • Jesus attracted people who had brokenness.
  • The repair that Jesus offers is much deeper than sexual orientation.
  • Jesus offers us an alternative script and it is good news for all of us.
    • I feel attracted to my same sex. This is just one example of brokenness in my life.
    • Sexual attraction is not the central identifier of my life. Rather, my identity in Christ is who I am at the core.
    • Happiness is found in fulfillment of my identity in Christ.
    • Human flourishing happens when I am conformed to Christ’s likeness. Thus, I do not need to act on sinful sexual urges.
  • Jesus offers the good news of conversion to anyone who wants it. A transformation occurs when we were once slaves to our brokenness and become new creatures with new minds set free to live according to Christ’s example.
Jul 13, 2020

Empathy is a gift we give to others. It is a gift for many reasons, not the least of which, is the selflessness required. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Amber Miller flushes out empathy. She helps us walk the fine line of looking within ourselves and accessing the God given skill set to turn outward and connect with another person.

  • Empathy is feeling with people.
  • Empathy is not fixing people’s hurt.
  • Empathy is recognizing, acknowledging, and connecting with another person’s emotion.
  • Empathy is not talking.
  • Empathy requires selflessness by not making the interaction about us.
  • Empathy does not require a shared experience.
  • Empathy requires vulnerability on the part of the giver and the receiver.
  • Empathy does not require complete understanding of another person’s experience.
  • Empathy is built by listening to another’s perspective.
  • Empathy is eroded by minimizing another’s experience.
  • Empathy is built by prayer.
  • Empathy is eroded by ignorance.
  • Empathy flourishes when the hurting person gives the helping person grace to try.
  • Empathy withers when the hurting person lords their hurt over another.
  • Empathy flourishes when the helping person gives the hurting person grace to share.
  • Empathy withers when the helping person lords their perspective over the hurting person.
  • Empathy is perfectly exampled in Christ, who experienced humanity fully and is now our advocate before the father.
Jun 29, 2020

Connection in marriage is possible. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer shares with us three keys in connecting with our spouse. Accessibility, responsiveness and engagement go a long way in moving us in the right direction - toward each other.

Jun 15, 2020

Marriage is far more than a living arrangement. It is a living relationship which meets a core need we each have for connection. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer exposes this core need and coaches us on how to achieve it.

  • Connection in marriage models the connection God desires with us - one in which life flows between us. Christ is the vine and we are the branches.
  • Every spouse desires connection. Connection answers “yes” to the questions, “Do I matter to you? Are you there for me?”
  • Withdrawal is a poor but common response to loss of connection. It in fact drives further disconnection. Withdrawal is when a person pulls away from their spouse in silence and inattention.
  • Aggression is a poor but common response to loss of connection. It, in fact, drives further disconnection. Aggression is when a person pursues their spouse with angst and negative accusation.
  • Underneath our withdrawal and aggression is hurt. Hurt is the pain that comes from lack of connection. At the surface disagreement between the spouses is apparent, yet spouses actually agree on this one need – connection.
  • Self-reflection is key to navigating disconnection. Learning why we respond in certain ways and assuring our spouse that though our reactions are imperfect, connection is desired.
  • Sitting with difficult emotions is key to navigating disconnection. Learning how to face unpleasant emotions and make sense of them with our spouses is necessary.

Connection is made by being available, responsive and engaged with your spouse.

Jun 1, 2020

Conflict happens. Some conflict can be avoided. All conflict needs resolve. Sometimes little things make big differences.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer relays three small things that exist in happy marriages.

3 Small Things

Be Purposeful

  • Highly happy couples find that when they can’t resolve conflict before bedtime, they choose to sleep on it. If anger remains in the morning, they don’t let it go unresolved; they deal with it.

Be Present

  • Highly happy couples treat one another with intentional kindness; they joke and they challenge, but they try to never do it in ways their mate would perceive as disrespectful or hurtful.

Be Positive

  • When highly happy couples inevitably experience hurt feelings and conflict, they eventually reconnect by mutually sharing a private signal that says “We’re okay.”

Taken from “The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference” by Shaunti Feldhahn

May 18, 2020

Uncertainty, unpredictability, unreliability, riskiness, chanciness, unsureness, changeability - 2020.  It’s one thing to have expectations gone unmet.  It’s another thing to be so uncertain that expectations can’t even be set. Those are the days we are in. And yet, there is an advantage these days afford. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller helps us see those advantages.

  • We learn flexibility. A lot is out of our control.
  • We learn childlikeness. God is our Father.
  • We learn dependence. God is our supplier.
  • We learn to be responsible in those things we know.
  • We learn to shift our trust from those things uncertain to the one who is – God.
May 4, 2020

It is easy to overlook the losses our kids are enduring these days. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling highlights what many of our kids are experiencing as their lives have been put on hold during these days of COVID-19. Fortunately, parents are equipped with a few helpful tools to minister to their losses.

Some tools for the toolset:

  • Acknowledge their loss. Don’t down-play it.
  • Kids have had limited experience. Bring perspective.
  • Connect with their loss. Resist shifting the focus to yourself.
  • They will be fearful. Help them express it.
  • They will be frustrated. Help them channel it.
  • They will be scattered. Help them focus.
  • They will be absorbed in the present. Help them see the future.
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