God saves his people into families. A nurturing community where souls are cared for and loved. In this episode of Breaking Bread, ACCFS’s church outreach team shares the vision that propels the work they do.

Show notes:

Vision: By God’s grace, the Church Outreach division of ACCFS is committed to supporting the local church by providing resources and teaching that equips the local church to care for its members.

Often, our bodies seem like a liability to our emotional, relational, and spiritual health. After all, our flesh is weak. Yet Jesus beautifully sanctioned the bodily experience when He came to earth in the flesh. He showed us that our bodies should not be scorned but instead listened to and exercised to the glory of God. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Isaac Funk help us see the role our bodies play in our emotional and spiritual health.

Show notes:

Common Misconceptions:

• The biological body is irrelevant. Your feelings tell you what is true.
• Your flesh is a liability. The body is corrupt and will defile you.
• Healthy spirituality separates itself from the body.

Truth:

• The biological body is relevant. It informs our reality.
• God had good in mind when he created the flesh. We should learn to listen to it.
• The flesh has been affected by “the fall”. It can be used for wrong.
• Healthy spirituality is always done in the body.
• By listening to our bodies, we can learn to detect our emotions.
• By learning to live in our bodies, we can positively affect our emotional experiences.

Jesus saw more. He saw what others missed in a setting. He saw what mattered in an interaction. He understood the reasons for a situation when others overlooked it. Jesus saw more. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann highlight critical purpose for the elderly among us. Help us like Jesus helped his disciples – help us see more.

Show Notes:

Help us see what others miss:

• Just as a passenger in a car can see more of the surroundings than the driver, we need the elderly in our communities to help us see what we often miss.
• Jesus helped his disciples see what most missed. He pointed out a poor widow casting in more money than the rich. Something they had all missed. Mark 12:41-44

Help us see what matters:

• Just as a skilled carpenter, doctor, teacher, parent and investor knows what matters in their craft, the elderly in our communities know what matters in life. They can help us see what matters.
• Jesus helped his disciples see what mattered. He devoted time to young children when they didn’t think it was time well spent. Matthew 19:13-15

Help us see why:

• We like to connect the dots between cause and effect. The elderly in our communities often have insights into these causal relationships. They can help us see why.
• Jesus helped his disciples understand why. He helped them understand the reason a man was born blind. It was not what they expected. John 9:1-4

“Grief can’t be avoided; it waits for you to walk through it.” June Knobloch said this. She and her husband understand grief deeply after suffering the loss of their son Jeff to suicide. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Del and June share their story of grief and how they walked through it.

Resources:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
This Lifeline is for people experiencing a crisis and is available 24/7 in the United States. If you need help for yourself, a friend, or family member, call or text 988 right away.

Lifeline Crisis Chat

Coping with a Suicide [ACCFS]
As you face life after a loved one’s suicide, remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. This article provides resources to help support you with your lose.

Preventing Suicide [ACCFS]
Those on the front lines of engaging our youth- parents, teachers, employers, mentors and those with a heart for our youth can be proactive in working to be aware and possibly help prevent suicides. This article provides information to help those on the front lines to be there for individuals that are struggling.

Laughter is relational, healing and necessary. In this episode of Breaking Bread ACCFS clinicians Ted Witzig Jr., Brian Sutter, Kathy Knochel and Kaleb Beyer enjoy a light moment together.  But don’t underestimate the weighty benefits such moments bring to our mental health.

 Show notes:

There are many matters that concern us: struggle, hurt, loss and sorrow abound. Yet, even among these, humor exists. Sometimes laughter springs from surprising places acting as a grace from our heavenly Father who no doubt loves to see his children laugh.

What is laughter?

• Laughter is the physical response to the emotional and cognitive experience of humor, happiness and mirth.
• Laughter is to happiness as crying is to sadness.
• Laughter is a common expression of amusement shared by all humanity.

What are the elements that give rise to laughter?

• Humor often plays on surprise. From peak-a-boo with an infant to clever twists in a “punch line”, the element of surprise startles and pleases.
• Humor often plays on a truth - truth exaggerated or told from a new vantage point often entertains and amuses.

What are the benefits of laughing?

• Laughter grounds a person in the moment. Amusement happens in the present, opening a person’s senses to live in the now.
• Laughter is relational. Sharing amusement with others makes the experience better. Laughter draws people into its participation. People welcome laughter.
• Healthy humanity employs the spectrum of emotions. Just as sadness has its purpose and benefits, so does mirth.
• Laughter can increase our capacity to cope with the brokenness we experience in life. Laughter does not make light of sadness. Rather, it assists us in holding it.

How can I learn to laugh?

• Learn to laugh at myself. Often, I take myself too seriously.
• Learn my place. I can over approximate my role and reach of effect. I need to remember that God is in control.
• Learn to live. God created me to enjoy his good creation.

Emotion is like fuel. The right amount, at the right time and for the right purpose, yields wonderful results. However, on a negative note, emotion is like fuel. That is why healthy people know how to regulate their emotions. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter coach us on how to do that.

Show Notes:

What is Emotional Regulation?

• People who have good command of their emotions use emotional regulation. In fact, emotions for these people are used in their life for the purpose God intended. Emotions are a gift from God.

Why does Emotional Regulation work?

• God has made us wonderfully. Our emotions and our bodies are closely connected. In fact, emotion always happens in the body. Just as emotions affect the body, the body affects emotions. There are bodily techniques that can be learned to bring about a healthy emotional experience.

What are some skills for regulating emotions?

• Deep breathing: Learning to breathe in a way that calms your nervous system.
• Mindfulness: Learning how to be present in a moment.
• Defusion: Learning how to detach from unwanted emotions.
• Acceptance: Learning how to make room for unwanted emotions.

Where can I learn emotional regulation skills?

• ACCFS Course Emotional Regulation Skills Course - ACCFS (accounseling.org)

What will be required for me to use regulation skills successfully?

• Practice

Disagreement in marriage is real. Anyone who is married understands the wisdom of being “equally yoked.” Fortunately, Christians are “equally yoked” on the basis of faith in Christ. Yet, there are many other ideals, values and dreams we might not be so “equally yoked.” In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer gives us a path forward for finding unity in the midst of the conflict this reality brings.

Show notes:

Background: Conflict around values and dreams are uniquely challenging because of the deep-seated nature of the held beliefs. Consider the examples below:

• Spouse A believes that family time should be protected and abundant.
• Spouse B believes that people should be community oriented.
• Spouse A believes that the house should be neat and orderly.
• Spouse B believes that the house should be “lived in” and not necessarily tidy.
• Spouse A believes money should be shared, spent and not hoarded.
• Spouse B believes money should be saved.
• Good biblical and wise argumentation can be given on either side of the issues.
• Conflict is fueled because of the emotion that resides with the deeply held ideals.

Conflict Intervention: How couples can move through conflict. [Intervention based on Dr. John Gottman’s research]

• First: Is the couple in a place to have the disputing conversation?
  • Evaluate how intense the held values are.
  • Evaluate how long each value has been held.
  • Evaluate the climate of the relationship. A “positive” climate needs to be present to have constructive conversation. Building a union of friendship, gratitude and closeness is important.
• Second: Personal preparation is required.
  • The humility to understand that each affects the other at their point of deeply held values.
  • Recognize that moving through the conflict is an important objective. As important or more, than the terms of resolution.
  • Values are not changed quickly; patience will be required.
  • Empathy and compassion will be necessary to hear your spouse.
  • A commitment to shared purpose is necessary. We win together, not separately.
  • A willingness to be influenced by spouse.

• Third: The disputing conversation occurs.
  • Attempt to be soft and slow. Be amiable, not reactive; open not closed; flexible, not rigid. We think better when processes slow down.
  • Use structure for the conversation: Assign roles-who is the speaker and who is the listener.
  • Ask your spouse to tell you the story of their vision. Seek to understand.
  • Monitor when escalation happens in yourself or your spouse. When escalation happens, you might need to take a break so soft and slow can return.

• Fourth: Once understanding of each other’s values has occurred, move into the circle of compromise.
  • Each should consider what you can be flexible about in the disputable matter.
  • Each should consider what they are inflexible about in the disputable matter.
  • Attempt to make your “area” of flexible as large as possible and “area” of rigidity as small as possible.
  • Share with one another your circle of compromise and determine a compromise.
  • Live into the compromise for a time and continue to have dialogue.

Youth is a time of life when all manner of ideals are being formed in a person: reasoning skills, social skills, character qualities, work ethic, and academics. And yet, greater than these is the formation of the image our kids will have of God. Their God image is the sum total of their beliefs and feelings about who God is. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter speaks to the importance of shepherding this important formation in our children.

Why God Image is important?

• It is the lens through which you view life.

Where does God Image come from?

• Experience
• Teaching

Shepherding God Image in our kids:

• Tap their imagination.
• Share testimony.
• Model it in relationship.
• Be patient with their questions.
• Point them to the Scripture.

Helps:

• The Jesus Story Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones
• Children’s Authors: by Max Lucado
• The Ology by Marty Machowski
• Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
• Tiny Theologians
• Catechisms

We live in a God-bathed world. He is everywhere and in everything. But too often, we are moving to quickly to see Him. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk coaches us on how to slow down so we can catch up with God.

When we are restless with our ordinary lives, we are forgetting:

• Jesus took on flesh to show us that ordinary is okay.
• Posture is more important than performance.
• God is in the boring; the maturing Christian has eyes that see Him everywhere.
• Experiencing God is always done where we are - never anywhere else.
• We can be fulling pleasing to God living out the menial tasks that to us are ordinary.
• We catch up with God by slowing down and walking at Christ’s pace.
• We can be in two places at once: about our daily tasks and with God.
• Being human is not a problem. Jesus came to show us how to be fully human.

Folding laundry, mowing the lawn, cooking, cleaning, fixing and working. Life is pretty ordinary. God must be disappointed in my life. Or is He? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk helps us understand the beauty that is possible in the ordinary.

Aren’t options great? So much to choose! Yet Kathy Knochel brings a surprising twist to the bliss of options. In this episode of Breaking Bread, she will help us see the shadow of options and the surprising value that comes by way of commitment.

Commitment frees us in two ways. It frees us from and it frees us to.

• It frees us from options which frees us to focus.
• It frees us from distractions which frees us to invest.
• It frees us from paralysis which frees us to purpose.

Attention is currency. It has purchasing power. No one needs to explain this to Facebook, Instagram and Snap Chat of course. But for those of us who spend our attention a little here and a little there, we may be surprised to discover attention is not just petty cash. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann connect the dots between what we pay attention to and who we become.

Wonderfully, hope grows large. God intends to use our attention to grow us into the likeness of Christ.

“But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” 2 Cor 3:18

Marital distress happens. Pain will occur. And when it does, our attachment styles will kick into full gear. Soon we will be behaving according to a script that was written a long time ago. However, these powerful scripts can be rewritten.  In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains what attachment styles are, how they are written, how they can be rewritten and the difference it makes in the marriage relationship.

Four Attachment Styles:

1. Secure Attachment – when distress occurs, pain shared in relationship and soothed through the relationship. This attachment style is healthy.

The Past: Often a secure attachment is constructed when caretakers have not dismissed emotions from children nor have they catastrophized matters.

2. Avoiding Attachment – when distress occurs, the avoider turns down its volume by moving away from relationship and does not seek soothing for the distress from spouse. This attachment style is unhealthy.

The Past: When in distress, a child seeks soothing from caretaker but does not find it. The              caretaker is not present, or is overwhelmed. The child learns independence and internalizes the struggle.

3. Pleaser Attachment – when distress occurs, the pleaser turns up its volume and pursues the relationship in an anxious and hypervigilant way. Distress is only soothed when the spouse is pleased. This attachment style is unhealthy.

The Past: When a child was in distress, it intensified distress in caretaker. Child learned that they                were responsible for the pain in others.

4. Vacillator/chaotic attachment – when distress occurs, responses are very unpredictable. Matters can be exaggerated or underappreciated. This attachment style is unhealthy.

The Past: When distress occurred in childhood, confusion played out. Addiction or abuse may have been present.

When distress in your relationship turns unhealthy, seek to do the following.

1. Recognize what happens internally when you are distressed. Do you pursue? Avoid? Vacillate?
2. Seek to make space for the distress you feel and slowing down the automatic script.
3. Understand your spouse engages with distress according to an attachment style also.
4. Seek to share with your spouse the automatic script that plays out when you are in distress and acknowledge how this can be unhelpful for your spouse. Express your desire to learn a new and nonreactive way to relate to your spouse that soothes distress through relationship.
5. Accept that this process of rewriting scripts takes time.

Resources:

One easy and quick way to identify your attachment style is to take the following quiz – The Love Style Quiz. This quiz takes about 15 – 20 minutes to complete and is designed to help you discover your primary attachment style.

How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage 
Authors: Milan & Kay Yerkovich
This book seeks to show how early life experiences create an underlying blueprint that shapes your beliefs, behavior, and expectations in your marriage. The authors identify four styles or blueprints and provide principles to help you break free of negative patterns and enhance intimacy.

I should know by now that yelling seldom works. Moreover, it most often works against me. Fortunately, we don’t have to be screamers. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter explains how an introspective person makes gains on his/her anger.

• Emotions respond to an impetus and fuel a response.
• While some emotions fuel a deactivation of our system, anger activates our system.
• The impetus’ that provoke anger and the response it fuels are often constructed from our past experience with the emotion.
• Gains can be made in controlling our anger. They will require slowing down and being introspective.
  • Notice your triggers. What situations provoke anger in you?
    • Examples: words or phrases, facial expressions, kids, spouse, authority
  • Notice your body. What sensations occur before anger sets in?
    • Examples: shortened breathing, heat flash
  • Notice what is beneath the surface. Anger is a secondary emotion. It responds to deeper emotions.
    • Examples: shame, hurt, insecurity, loss, etc.
  • Notice what your anger is attaching itself to.
    • Example: Do you think you are angry at your child when you are actually angry at yourself?
  • Notice the degree to which you personalize comments and situations. Do you exaggerate negative feedback?
    • Example: When challenged, do you leap to the erroneous conclusion that you are not liked?
  • Notice the thoughts you think to yourself after the impetus and before your anger. Anger will play on these thoughts. Are they true?
    • Example: When your child makes a poor choice, do you think “he will never turn out!” This erroneous thought will not properly inform your emotions.

Solomon the wise said, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.” Those of us who have lost the battle of self-control know just how mighty “the slow to anger” are. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter helps us understand the emotion of anger. He explains its purpose, how it works and how to live wisely in your own experience so that you might be slow to anger.

The church is God’s family. To participate in church, is to participate in “together.” What if “together” is difficult for you? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kristen Schwind and Ron Messner give voice to the introvert in church. They highlight both the weaknesses and the strengths our personalities pose in how we experience the “together” aspect of church. 

 Who is an introvert?  

• A person who finds solitude as life-giving and human interaction as life-expending.  

 Who is an extrovert? 

• A person who finds human interaction as life-giving and solitude as life-expending.  

 How can introversion in the church be challenging?   

• Fellowship can be difficult. 
• By being reserved, individuals can be misjudged as aloof or uncaring. 
• By being reserved, individuals can be passed over for duties. 
• By not being always present, individuals can be misjudged as uncommitted. 

 How can we walk in an understanding way towards the introvert in church? 

• Be a safe person to talk to. 
• Use their gift of listening and employ them in discipleship opportunities. 
• Learn from their ability to find life in solitude. 
• Provide structure in social settings. Corporate worship, small group Bible studies, committee work and various church duties are excellent examples of this. 

 What encouragement is there for the introvert? 

• Be careful not to fall into isolation. 
• Challenge yourself to step out and engage the community of the church. 
• Make full use of the structured social events such as worship, teaching and more. 

The church is God’s family. To participate in church, is to participate in “together.” What if “together” is difficult for you? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kristen Schwind and Ron Messner give voice to the introvert in church. They highlight both the weaknesses and the strengths our personalities pose in how we experience the “together” aspect of church. 

 Who is an introvert?  

• A person who finds solitude as life-giving and human interaction as life-expending.  

 Who is an extrovert? 

• A person who finds human interaction as life-giving and solitude as life-expending.  

 How can introversion in the church be challenging?   

• Fellowship can be difficult. 
• By being reserved, individuals can be misjudged as aloof or uncaring. 
• By being reserved, individuals can be passed over for duties. 
• By not being always present, individuals can be misjudged as uncommitted. 

 How can we walk in an understanding way towards the introvert in church? 

• Be a safe person to talk to. 
• Use their gift of listening and employ them in discipleship opportunities. 
• Learn from their ability to find life in solitude. 
• Provide structure in social settings. Corporate worship, small group Bible studies, committee work and various church duties are excellent examples of this. 

 What encouragement is there for the introvert? 

• Be careful not to fall into isolation. 
• Challenge yourself to step out and engage the community of the church. 
• Make full use of the structured social events such as worship, teaching and more. 

The communication process is hard enough with just words. Add emotion to the mix and sometimes we might as well be speaking a foreign language. This is because the present moment meaning we attribute to emotions has been constructed in the past. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer untangles the knot spousal communication can find itself in because we are not decoding the emotions in the room correctly.

• There are six basic emotions common to all people: happiness, sadness, surprise, shame, anger and fear.
• Each of these emotions has a lot of shades. For example, anger spans from irritation to rage with many experiences in between.
• The meaning we make out of emotions is not common among all people. For example, anger for one person means something different to another.
• The meaning we make out of emotions was constructed in past experiences. For example, how a person did or did not experience soothing when anger arose in their past largely formed up the meaning they attribute to anger today.
• In marriage relationships, emotional messages can get mixed and can set off an unhealthy cycle of communication. Each one “hearing” the incorrect meaning from the other.
• Emotions teach us about ourselves. Slowing down and noticing the cues that trigger emotions and the meaning we construct is very instructive.
• By understanding our emotional experience and that of our spouse, we can better interact in an understanding way.

Identify formation follows a simple path: Exploration to Commitment. Exploration must precede commitment. Commitment must precede a settled identity. Yet, taking the path is not necessarily easy. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. explains some of the finer points along the journey to belonging, purpose and worth.

Identity answers the question, who I am and who I am not. An answer that is multi-faceted -both objective and subjective. Sometimes obvious and other times obscure. And to make it trickier, it shifts over time. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr helps us understand the nature of identity formation and how we can better steward this area of our life.

Show notes:

Identity is:

• The sense of self - who I am and who I am not.

Aspects that make up identity:

• Demographics: age, sex, address
• Relationships: child, father, mother, husband, wife
• Roles: job, family, volunteer
• Values: likes, dislikes, religion, beliefs, loyalties
• Experiences: health, hobbies, accomplishments, ownership
• Personalities: gifts, character traits, talents

Events that unsettle identity:

• Development
• Loss
• Transition
• Role shifts
• Experiences
• Belief shifts

Process for forming identity:

• From exploration: trying, investigating, experiencing, researching
• To commitment: being settled, resolved and grounded

Troubles in forming identity:

• Moving to commitment without exploration.
  • This person’s sense of self appears settled. But it is not their own. They have adopted another’s identity. Crisis in life will likely cause distress.
• Remaining in exploration and not moving to commitment.
  • This person is restless, always searching without resolve.
• Not exploring and not committing.
  • This person is unaware of their need for identity formation.

Identity brings about:

• A sense of belonging, grounding, purpose, priority and worth.

The most important identity:

• A Christ-centered identity, being a child of God, is the identity from which all other identities rest. This identity offers stability when all others may ebb and flow.

We don’t like it when things are out of reach. Especially when they are good things. But sometimes they just are. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter helps us understand what health looks like amid the disappointment of our inabilities.   

Definition: Limitations are those things that we cannot do or achieve regardless of effort or resources. 

• Potential examples: IQ, Physical limitations, Mental limitations, Human developmental stage, Economics 

Reality: Limitations are often sources of pain in a person’s life. We don’t like to be told “no” you can’t do that. 

Healthy Mental Processing: Limitations are losses to be grieved. 

• Acknowledge the limitation. 
• Grieve the limitation. 
• Listen for the lie limitation has posited in your thinking. (ex. You are stupid.) 
• Correct the lie with truth.  
• Accept the limitation. 

Healthy Mindset: Do not identify yourself according to your limitation. Rather, understand your limitation to be part of your unique story and an aspect beloved by God the Father. Pivot your thinking away from limitations and on to opportunities. 

Healthy Action: A lot of good is instore for you even with your limitation. Invest in those areas you can contribute and improve in.  

Definition: Weaknesses are those things that we struggle to do well, but with effort and resources, can improve.  

• Potential examples: Improving a skill, Learning a trade, Growing positive character qualities 

Reality: The ceiling of our abilities is most likely untried. We can make meaningful gains in many areas of our life. 

Healthy Mental Processing: We need to discern the difference between limitations in our lives and weaknesses. 

Healthy Mindset: God has given us the responsibility to steward our abilities. Continuing to grow and learn is part of the human flourishing He calls us into. 

Healthy Action: Growth is a function of effort over time. Engage the growth process. 

Many explanations for our present realities harken back to our past. After all, who of us has not been shaped by the layers of life upon life? The marriage relationship is a crucible whereby these past experiences have a very present voice. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains the impact past trauma plays in present marriages. Understanding this unwelcome visitor in our today marriage relationship provides a great deal of explanation for the interactions we experience between spouses. It also, unlocks a hopeful path for an increasingly healthy marriage.

What is trauma? Sometimes our present experiences trigger danger, even when we are objectively safe. This may be a sign of trauma. In our past, traumatic experiences threatened our safety. Today, experiences may trigger that past offense and send negative reactions surging through our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Trauma can affect all areas of our life including the marriage relationship.

Thoughts are triggered by trauma: Trauma strikes at the perceived safety of an individual. The offense against a spouse’s safety in the past leaves them vulnerable to this perceived lack of safety in the present. Triggers prompt thoughts that say “I’m not safe in this moment!”

Feelings are triggered by trauma: Past painful memories hold intense negative emotions. Thoughts of jeopardized safety cause feelings of fear, unwanted exposure, a sense of helplessness and feelings of loneliness.

Behaviors are triggered by trauma: Perceived “over-reactions” can occur by those wounded by past trauma. Present situations trigger a reaction conditioned by the past. Individuals might fight, take flight, or freeze. They might pull away to avoid vulnerability. This can be disorienting to the individual and their spouse. Relational connection is broken and reception of love in these moments are difficult.

Understanding is helpful: Understanding when past trauma is speaking in the present can be helpful. It can provide explanation for the unwanted reactions that happen in present situations. This can lead to compassion and empathy.

Moving toward healing: Establishing safety within self and with spouse is the first step in moving forward. Couples will need to work on establishing trust and allowing vulnerability to happen. Being curious is key and seeking not to personalize present triggers to past trauma. Some question prompts can be helpful:

• Help me understand when you feel this way?
• What is it like for you to experience _________?
• How do my actions contribute to your distress?

Couples who want to make healthy gains in this area can make use of resources:

• “The Body Keeps the Score” Bessel Van der Kolk M.D.
• https://accounseling.org/overcomingtraumainmarriagewebinar/ - webinar
• https://www.amazon.com/s?k=how+we+love+by+milan+and+kay+yerkovich&sprefix=how+we+lo%2Caps%2C120&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_2_9 - How We Love book

In some situations, uncovering the trauma and finding healing may require a counselor.

The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. This classic Bible verse from the Psalms sums up the whole of contentment. Yet, there are some well-worn pitfalls. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tom Waldbeser and Isaac Funk address these and how they can be avoided.

Contentment is not the ability to do without. Rather, it is possessing all that matters. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tom Waldbeser and Isaac Funk present this possession from which contentment is a byproduct.

Contentment is:

• A state of mind.
• Being satisfied.
• A learned experience.

Contentment is hindered by:

• Entitlement

Contentment comes by way of:

• Understanding our limitations.
• Managing our expectations.
• Abiding in Jesus.
• Knowing God.
• Taking our pain to God.
• Offloading our desires onto God.

Contentment brings about:

• Thanksgiving.
• A lifestyle whereby we live within our means.
• A relinquishing of control.
• A reduced anxiety about tomorrow.

Sometimes caring comes with a cost. An emotional tax. Overtime we can become spent, tired, irritable and overwhelmed. Living in a world with lots of cares, compassion fatigue is real and is having its impact. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter help us understand how to maintain a measure of health while at the same time engaging in a hurting world.

The brokenness of our world is brought to our awareness in increasing measure. From pandemics, natural disasters, wars, famines, injustice, oppression, mistreatment, tragedy, political debacle and societal changes, we are in no lack of matters for which we are aware and for which we care. If the brokenness we are confronted with in our world at large was not enough, matters of deep care and concern fill our personal lives. Loss, divorce, addictions, aging parents, disabilities, financial hardship and more make demands and draw on our physical and mental compassion reservoir.

In many ways, a reservoir is a good illustration for the capacity we have with care. Matters of concern draw on our compassion reservoir. When depleted, we experience compassion fatigue. The emotional toll that comes when we mentally and physically are spent. When experiencing compassion fatigue we can become apathetic, cynical, frustrated or exhausted. When we are experiencing these realities, we are not bringing our best selves to the matters we care about.

The answer to compassion fatigue is not caring less. Rather it lies in proper perspective and proper self-care. By attending to these two areas we can fill our compassion reservoir. 

A proper perspective is one that holds our broken reality in a God-oriented world view. This view acknowledges we were not created with the frame to process all the brokenness around us. In God’s perfect creation intent, He intended to keep at bay this darkness. Yet sin defiled our innocence. This perspective helps us understand compassion fatigue is expected. On the flip side of the coin, we understand compassion is actually an attribute of God. It is His reaction to the brokenness we experience. In His likeness, we example His attribute to our world. We fill our compassion reservoir when we understand God ultimately is the savior of the issues that concern us. He is always active. When we are not “on call”, He is. No situation is solely reliant on us. In fact, often God has many other people as active, compassionate, image-bearers devoted to the matters that concern us.

Proper self-care follows from this perspective. Healthy compassionate people regularly rest from their worries. They intentionally take sabbath rest. They give their bodies the physical rest it requires to be effective. They detach their minds from concerning matters. They know where and how to invest their mental space in restorative activity. This can range from taking a nap to exercising; from working on a puzzle to reading a novel; from making music to painting a picture. They also engage in restorative relationships. They invest in relationships that support them in ways of accountability as well as enjoyment. Healthy compassionate people also know what is not restorative to their compassion reservoir. Not all mental escape is equal. Sometimes individuals think activities are restorative when they are not. For example, in an attempt to distract oneself away from cares, they escape to places that stimulate the brain to more anxiety. Social media is one common example of this. Each person needs to know him/herself and what is and is not restorative.

While we were not created for the brokenness we encounter, we were created for the goodness of God’s creation. Wonderfully, traces of that goodness abound. Healthy compassionate people look for this goodness and engage in it. When they do, their compassion reservoir is filled, and they are able to draw on that compassion to minister to the hurting around them. And when they do that, God’s compassion is brought near to this broken world.