Laughter is relational, healing and necessary. In this episode of Breaking Bread ACCFS clinicians Ted Witzig Jr., Brian Sutter, Kathy Knochel and Kaleb Beyer enjoy a light moment together. But don’t underestimate the weighty benefits such moments bring to our mental health.
Show notes:
There are many matters that concern us: struggle, hurt, loss and sorrow abound. Yet, even among these, humor exists. Sometimes laughter springs from surprising places acting as a grace from our heavenly Father who no doubt loves to see his children laugh.
What is laughter?
- Laughter is the physical response to the emotional and cognitive experience of humor, happiness and mirth.
- Laughter is to happiness as crying is to sadness.
- Laughter is a common expression of amusement shared by all humanity.
What are the elements that give rise to laughter?
- Humor often plays on surprise. From peak-a-boo with an infant to clever twists in a “punch line”, the element of surprise startles and pleases.
- Humor often plays on a truth - truth exaggerated or told from a new vantage point often entertains and amuses.
What are the benefits of laughing?
- Laughter grounds a person in the moment. Amusement happens in the present, opening a person’s senses to live in the now.
- Laughter is relational. Sharing amusement with others makes the experience better. Laughter draws people into its participation. People welcome laughter.
- Healthy humanity employs the spectrum of emotions. Just as sadness has its purpose and benefits, so does mirth.
- Laughter can increase our capacity to cope with the brokenness we experience in life. Laughter does not make light of sadness. Rather, it assists us in holding it.
How can I learn to laugh?
- Learn to laugh at myself. Often, I take myself too seriously.
- Learn my place. I can over approximate my role and reach of effect. I need to remember that God is in control.
- Learn to live. God created me to enjoy his good creation.
Emotion is like fuel. The right amount, at the right time and for the right purpose, yields wonderful results. However, on a negative note, emotion is like fuel. That is why healthy people know how to regulate their emotions. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter coach us on how to do that.
Show Notes:
What is Emotional Regulation?
- People who have good command of their emotions use emotional regulation. In fact, emotions for these people are used in their life for the purpose God intended. Emotions are a gift from God.
Why does Emotional Regulation work?
- God has made us wonderfully. Our emotions and our bodies are closely connected. In fact, emotion always happens in the body. Just as emotions affect the body, the body affects emotions. There are bodily techniques that can be learned to bring about a healthy emotional experience.
What are some skills for regulating emotions?
- Deep breathing: Learning to breathe in a way that calms your nervous system.
- Mindfulness: Learning how to be present in a moment.
- Defusion: Learning how to detach from unwanted emotions.
- Acceptance: Learning how to make room for unwanted emotions.
Where can I learn emotional regulation skills?
What will be required for me to use regulation skills successfully?
- Practice
Disagreement in marriage is real. Anyone who is married understands the wisdom of being “equally yoked.” Fortunately, Christians are “equally yoked” on the basis of faith in Christ. Yet, there are many other ideals, values and dreams we might not be so “equally yoked.” In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer gives us a path forward for finding unity in the midst of the conflict this reality brings.
Show notes:
Background: Conflict around values and dreams are uniquely challenging because of the deep-seated nature of the held beliefs. Consider the examples below:
- Spouse A believes that family time should be protected and abundant.
- Spouse B believes that people should be community oriented.
- Spouse A believes that the house should be neat and orderly.
- Spouse B believes that the house should be “lived in” and not necessarily tidy.
- Spouse A believes money should be shared, spent and not hoarded.
- Spouse B believes money should be saved.
- Good biblical and wise argumentation can be given on either side of the issues.
- Conflict is fueled because of the emotion that resides with the deeply held ideals.
Conflict Intervention: How couples can move through conflict. [Intervention based on Dr. John Gottman’s research]
- First: Is the couple in a place to have the disputing conversation?
- Evaluate how intense the held values are.
- Evaluate how long each value has been held.
- Evaluate the climate of the relationship. A “positive” climate needs to be present to have constructive conversation. Building a union of friendship, gratitude and closeness is important.
- Second: Personal preparation is required.
- The humility to understand that each affects the other at their point of deeply held values.
- Recognize that moving through the conflict is an important objective. As important or more, than the terms of resolution.
- Values are not changed quickly; patience will be required.
- Empathy and compassion will be necessary to hear your spouse.
- A commitment to shared purpose is necessary. We win together, not separately.
- A willingness to be influenced by spouse.
- Third: The disputing conversation occurs.
- Attempt to be soft and slow. Be amiable, not reactive; open not closed; flexible, not rigid. We think better when processes slow down.
- Use structure for the conversation: Assign roles-who is the speaker and who is the listener.
- Ask your spouse to tell you the story of their vision. Seek to understand.
- Monitor when escalation happens in yourself or your spouse. When escalation happens, you might need to take a break so soft and slow can return.
- Fourth: Once understanding of each other’s values has occurred, move into the circle of compromise.
- Each should consider what you can be flexible about in the disputable matter.
- Each should consider what they are inflexible about in the disputable matter.
- Attempt to make your “area” of flexible as large as possible and “area” of rigidity as small as possible.
- Share with one another your circle of compromise and determine a compromise.
- Live into the compromise for a time and continue to have dialogue.
