“Do your best and leave the rest” is a tricky balance for the perfectionist. Yet it sums up a measure of health for those who have high, exacting standards for themselves or others. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. teaches us about two types of perfectionism.

Show notes

We love perfectionists. Who wouldn’t want a perfectionist as their builder, accountant, or surgeon? Perfectionists hold high standards and are successful and acclaimed because they do. This is precisely why perfectionism is tricky…strengths can become weaknesses.

Three types of perfectionism:

• Self-oriented perfectionism
  • Definition: A person with very high, exacting standards for themselves.
  • Unhealthy Measure: Specific performance
  • Unhealthy Mindset: It needs to be perfect, or I’ve failed. There is no “good enough” in their thinking.
  • Unhealthy Result: Harsh self-criticism & low self-compassion leading to discouragement & depression
  • Remedy: They need to rethink success and reward the right thing. Was it adequate?
  • Healthy Measure: Wholistic performance over time.
  • Healthy Mindset: They need to understand that they are ‘in progress.’ Growth over time is the measure. Effort is more important than outcome.
• Other-oriented perfectionism
  • Definition: A person who holds others to very high, exacting standards.
  • Unhealthy Measure: Other people’s performance.
  • Unhealthy Mindset: The belief that they are a guardian of a standard and fear the standard will be dropped.
  • Unhealthy Result: Demanding and controlling towards others. A critical spirit creates distance and resentment between them and for those who they project their very high expectations.
  • Remedy: Don’t be a voice of fear and discouragement to the next “generation”. Rather, teach and empower them.
  • Healthy Measure: Measure the human cost of seeking perfection. Sometimes we can get it wrong by trying to get it right.
  • Healthy Mindset: Trust God. Trust others.
• Socially-prescribed perfectionism
  • Definition: A person who reacts to their perceived beliefs about what other people expect of them.
  • Unhealthy Measure: Trying to guess other people’s perceptions.
  • Unhealthy Mindset: Getting into someone else’s head. “I think, they think…”
  • Unhealthy Result: Insecurity, people pleasing and fabricated offenses that rob otherwise healthy moments.
  • Remedy: Practice getting out of other people’s heads.
  • Healthy Measure: What am I assuming is true and what do I know to be true?
  • Healthy Mindset: I can’t please everyone.

Desires can be tricky. Is it okay to have them? Is it okay to voice them? What if I get my way? Does that make me selfish? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter helps us understand how having and voicing desires is not all bad, in fact, it can be healthy.