Marital distress happens. Pain will occur. And when it does, our attachment styles will kick into full gear. Soon we will be behaving according to a script that was written a long time ago. However, these powerful scripts can be rewritten. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains what attachment styles are, how they are written, how they can be rewritten and the difference it makes in the marriage relationship.
Four Attachment Styles:
The Past: Often a secure attachment is constructed when caretakers have not dismissed emotions from children nor have they catastrophized matters.
The Past: When in distress, a child seeks soothing from caretaker but does not find it. The caretaker is not present, or is overwhelmed. The child learns independence and internalizes the struggle.
The Past: When a child was in distress, it intensified distress in caretaker. Child learned that they were responsible for the pain in others.
The Past: When distress occurred in childhood, confusion played out. Addiction or abuse may have been present.
When distress in your relationship turns unhealthy, seek to do the following.
Resources:
One easy and quick way to identify your attachment style is to take the following quiz – The Love Style Quiz. This quiz takes about 15 – 20 minutes to complete and is designed to help you discover your primary attachment style.
How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage
Authors: Milan & Kay Yerkovich
This book seeks to show how early life experiences create an underlying blueprint that shapes your beliefs, behavior, and expectations in your marriage. The authors identify four styles or blueprints and provide principles to help you break free of negative patterns and enhance intimacy.