“Do your best and leave the rest” is a tricky balance for the perfectionist. Yet it sums up a measure of health for those who have high, exacting standards for themselves or others. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. teaches us about two types of perfectionism.
Show notes
We love perfectionists. Who wouldn’t want a perfectionist as their builder, accountant, or surgeon? Perfectionists hold high standards and are successful and acclaimed because they do. This is precisely why perfectionism is tricky…strengths can become weaknesses.
Three types of perfectionism:
Desires can be tricky. Is it okay to have them? Is it okay to voice them? What if I get my way? Does that make me selfish? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter helps us understand how having and voicing desires is not all bad, in fact, it can be healthy.
Unhealthy Desire | Healthy Desire |
Desire for things that God has not allowed. | Desire for things that God has given to us to enjoy. |
Selfishness: insisting on satisfying one’s desires in a way that brings about strife and is at the expense of others. | Voicing desires while understanding that others have desires that will need to be acknowledged. |
Damages relationships. | Enhances relationships. |
Vulnerability has become a popular ideal. Authenticity, openness, and being “real” are touted as admirable qualities in our culture. Yet, how does Jesus shape this virtue? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Isaac Funk cast a vision for healthy vulnerability and draw from the example of Jesus.
Vulnerability Identifiers…
Jesus teaches us…
Community has become a popular ideal. A reaction, no doubt, to the ill-effect of our increasingly independent lives. Clubs, groups, associations, and fellowships offer much needed connection and identification for people feeling more and more alone. How is the Christian community unique in providing the connection we fundamentally need? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Isaac Funk elevate the community of Jesus.
Community Identifiers
The Christian Community is…
The words we use matter: alcoholic, depressed, narcissist, bipolar - these are all examples of labels we use to describe people. Labels stick - for good or bad. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. helps straighten us out with what sometimes turns into adult name-calling.
There is a difference between using labels “for” or “against” people. When labels are used responsibly, they should reflect reality with the intent to bring understanding and help to people.
Using Labels "for a Person:
Using Labels "against" a Person:
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Our young people transition into adulthood gradually and with assistance. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel explains the role community plays in this process. She highlights the responsibility that is ours and equips us with the tool set needed to get the job done.
Connect with the young people in your life.
Forgive, overlook and acknowledge - three verbs that give the embittered a path to freedom. None are easy. In in this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling brings them near and demonstrates the path out from his own life experience.
Show notes
Bitterness has a root:
The root starts with hurt. Hurt that is not properly cared for. This hurt leads to anger. Anger left to seethe and build over time leads to stubbornness. Impenetrable walls are then built to protect. Behind these walls a rebellion settles in.
Bitterness grows:
Minor and major hurtful events stacked one on top of the other over time breeds a canker. The canker travels its way into many areas of our lives.
Bitterness has a fruit:
The fruit tastes of isolation, division and hardness.
Bitterness has a remedy:
The embittered must engage with the hurt in three ways. Applying forgiveness where they have been sinned against. Overlooking misunderstandings and imperfections where they exist in their offender and acknowledging whatever truth that may exist in the hurt for their personal betterment.
Hurt, not properly cared for, can turn to bitterness. Bitterness, not properly cared for, defiles much. In this episode series, Craig Stickling addresses properly caring for hurt and bitterness.
Do we love each other because we agree? Or is our love based on something deeper? Surprisingly, conflict exposes the answer. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Matt Kaufmann and Brian Sutter address the nature of conflict and highlight the role our consciences play.
God wants us to know Him. He wants our thoughts towards Him and our feelings about Him to be guided by truth. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. helps us evaluate our God image and provides tips on how to have an increasingly more accurate view of God.
It is important to note:
Revealing God the Father to human beings was one of the purposes of Christ’s ministry. He wanted His hearers to know God and to view Him accurately. In this episode, Ted Witzig Jr. explains how our God image is formed and the impact that it has on us. While we will never understand God perfectly in this life, we can work to be sure we are not viewing Him through distorted lenses.
It is important to note…
* Everyone has a God concept and a God image.
* How we picture God and believe He feels toward us are very impactful in how we relate to Him.
* Those things we know about God (i.e., ‘head-knowledge’) make up our God concept.
* Our God concept is formed by information that we learn about Him from the Bible and what others teach us.
* Those things we feel about God, including how we picture Him, feelings we feel toward Him, and how we imagine He feels towards us is called our God image.
* Our God image is formed through life experiences including our relationship with major attachment figures (primarily one’s father and mother).
* Positive influences such as love, security, mercy, and relationships with benevolent authority figures lead toward the development of a healthy God image.
* Trauma, mental illness, loss, and wounded trust are all experiences that can have a negative impact on our God image.
Am I okay? What do people think of me? Should I be happy with myself? These self- questions highlight insecurity. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter walks us through the finer points of insecurity and presents to us true security.
Insecurities are common among all ages. While the things we seek security in change over time, the fact remains that security is a common human desire. Insecurity is helpful in this way. It highlights our desire for security and prompts us with a critical question, “What should my security be in?” Is it in my job, finances, relationships or looks? Just like financial securities, some are better than others, the securities we desire are not all equal. Who do we seek approval from? What is required for me to be happy with myself? Just how secure are these securities? Most often, we look to securities that are exterior to us-the affirmation of a group, the achievement of a goal. Wonderfully, God is that exterior security He wants us to be settled in. Because of God’s dependability, He is the security that is superior to all others.
Sometimes interactions are charged with emotion. Often, we react to the escalation only to make it worse. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer helps us let the steam out of the charged moment so we can have rational dialogue. The key to doing this is called “validation.”
Validation in interpersonal interactions.
What it is. | What it does. | What it looks like. | When do you use it? | What it is not. |
Accepting a person’s experience. | Deescalates charged emotional interactions. | Being curious about another person’s experience. | Heated disagreements. | Not reactive |
Joining someone in their experience. | Values another’s personhood. | Validating first, correcting second. | When strong negative emotions are present. | Not agreement |
Understanding a person’s emotional response. | Puts relationship first. | Showing a person that you “see them.” | When you are calm enough to listen. | Not avoiding |
| Builds connection. | Accept their response. |
| Not argumentative |
| Legitimatizes other’s response. |
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Seeking satisfaction happens on many levels, on an array of topics, moment by moment with all of us. Quenching appetites is a daily job. Psalm 90:14 offers four surprising facts about the satisfaction that comes from God. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann highlight these surprising qualities and muse on how beautifully welcome each one is.
So much time, effort and energy goes into satisfying our appetites. Hunger, thirst, sleep, love, comfort, approval, accomplishment, affirmation, achievement are a few of the many cravings we try to satiate every day. Yet, God’s satisfaction is different - in four ways.
“O satisfy us early with thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. “ Psalm 90:14
Earthly Satisfaction | God’s Satisfaction |
We prize the pursuit of satisfaction as much or more than the satisfaction itself. For example, eating the meal is pursued and valued as much as the filling. | God’s satisfaction is the prize. |
Satisfaction comes at the end. For example, at the end of a meal or at the end of a hard day’s work. | God’s satisfaction comes early, at the beginning not the ending. |
Satisfaction must be earned. For example, you must cook the meal. You must contend, work, strive and achieve to be satisfied. | God’s satisfaction is already realized. We enter into his satisfied reality. |
Satisfaction expires. For example, we are hungry again. We are thirsty again. We need affirmation again. | God’s satisfaction lasts all our days. His satisfaction does not expire. |
Jesus lived among us. He taught us. But more importantly, he exampled for us “the way.” Now we have a chance to follow His lead. But how? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Katie Miller and Marcia Koch share their top three lessons learned from mentoring others.
Notes:
· Mentoring is more relational than educational.
o Be vulnerable and trustworthy.
· Everyone is unique.
o Be careful not to over generalize.
· The cross of Christ is central.
o Everybody in every situation can be pointed to the cross.
· The “self-talk” that people are saying to themselves matters.
o Listen for lies.
· Good questions are key.
o Assume you don’t know and ask. Assume you still don’t know and clarify.
· Regularity is more important than frequency.
o Be there.
· People are more than their issues.
o Relate to people on a variety of levels.
· The Holy Spirit is the change-agent.
o Pray with people.
3…2…1… no launch. This is the experience of many parents hoping to launch their kids into this wide world. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Roger Gasser give sound counsel to parents who have kids on the launching pad.
For Kids:
For Parents
3...2...1... no launch. This is the experience of many parents hoping to launch their kids into this wide world. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Roger Gasser give sound counsel to parents who have kids on the launching pad.
Systems Check for Launch.
For Kids:
For Parents
Infertility is a private loss many couples experience. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tyler and Casey Zimmerman share their story. Their journey will accent the uniqueness of the infertility pain. It will resonate with the losses that are common among us and it will heighten God’s unique and common love to all His children.
Like a fingerprint, infertility pain is common to all sorts of pain and yet unique.
Yet…
Infertility is a private loss many couples experience. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Tyler and Casey Zimmerman share their story. Their journey will accent the uniqueness of the infertility pain. It will resonate with the losses that are common among us and it will heighten God’s unique and common love to all His children.
Like a fingerprint, infertility pain is common to all sorts of pain and yet unique.
Yet…
Our teenage kids are under construction and construction zones are messy. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Jeff Waibel give us a few tips for understanding these formative years. Knowing a few things can go a long way in helping us get through the construction.
Our teenage kids are under construction and construction zones are messy. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Jeff Waibel give us a few tips for understanding these formative years. Knowing a few things can go a long way in helping us get through the construction.
Shaming our kids - good intentions, yet with unintended poor consequences. We’ve all done it. Parenting out of exasperation. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling and Brian Sutter take a careful look at the messages we are sending our kids. Fortunately, a very healthy and redemptive future is possible.
What is Shame? | Effects of Shame | Examples of Parental Shame | High-stakes Moments for Shame | How do we unwind Shame? | Discipline that doesn’t Shame. | Nature of Shame |
The idea that a person is, at their core, bad, unwanted and beyond repair. | Shame pushes your child into isolation. | “I don’t care!” | When our kids are being creative. | Call your child out from hiding and into community. | Separates their behavior from their personal worth. | Shame shames. |
| Shame says there is no hope. Because I’m broken and no one wants me. | “You are the only 10-year-old who doesn’t get this!” | When our kids are being vulnerable. | Enjoy your kids. | Breaks the will but not the spirit. | We will shame and will be shamed. |
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| “You will never amount to anything!” | When we downplay interests and abilities that they have because they don’t match our expectations. | Celebrate their person. | Support guilt where it is appropriate. | Shame plays on lies and perpetuates lies. |
When the last of the children leave the home, couples enter the “empty nest” phase of marriage. For some, this moment is met with welcome anticipation. For others trepidation. But for all, the moment marks a transition. All transitions require a certain level of relational care. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Roger Gasser and Kaleb Beyer speak into the care needed to thrive in this transition.
There are a few things that prove helpful to understand when entering the empty nest phase of marriage:
Signposts are helpful and orienting. They are helpful in guiding us from point A to point B. They are orienting because they assure us we are still on the right road. In this podcast series, Kaleb Beyer walks us through six signposts on the road to recovery from sexual betrayal. These signposts are both helpful and orienting.
Six Signposts:
Signposts are helpful and orienting. They are helpful in guiding us from point A to point B. They are orienting because they assure us we are still on the right road. In this podcast series, Kaleb Beyer walks us through six signposts on the road to recovery from sexual betrayal. These signposts are both helpful and orienting.
Six Signposts: