Like an athletic team running plays out of their playbook, we become skilled at running plays out of ours. However, those plays are not running or passing plays. Rather, they are intuitions- feelings and thoughts about people and the circumstances that confront us. Our reactions to these situations are so automatic, they operate in our subconscious. In these three episodes of Breaking Bread, Physician Keyna Martinez helps bring our playbook into our conscious awareness so we can learn, adjust and even correct our plays to match more closely with Christ’s.
Definition: Our “playbook” is our subconscious intuition that launches judgment and reaction.
Importance: Our “playbook” is extremely important for life. Many of our decisions are made subconsciously. For example, we avoid danger by judging it as such and making necessary changes, often before we are fully aware of what is happening.
How the playbook is made: Experience largely has constructed our internal playbooks. More specifically, painful experiences have a larger effect than blissful experiences. These experiences construct our values, judgments, expectations, and reactions.
How the playbook is maintained: The playbook is maintained when its “plays” are reinforced by repeated or similarly interpreted experiences.
Reality: Our intuitive “playbook” is right a lot of the time. However, it can be and is often wrong.
The effect of an incorrect playbook: Our judgment is incorrect and therefore our words, feelings and actions are motivated from a place of falsehood. We will not respond like Christ would in the situation.
Changing the playbook: The playbook can be changed for the better.
All Nations Bible Study (acbookstore.org)
This Bible Study is designed to promote understanding of diverse people and perspectives. This content in this study may challenge your preconceptions. We encourage you to take this experience to the Lord and his Word.
Like an athletic team running plays out of their playbook, we become skilled at running plays out of ours. However, those plays are not running or passing plays. Rather, they are intuitions- feelings and thoughts about people and the circumstances that confront us. Our reactions to these situations are so automatic, they operate in our subconscious. In these three episodes of Breaking Bread, Physician Keyna Martinez helps bring our playbook into our conscious awareness so we can learn, adjust and even correct our plays to match more closely with Christ’s.
Show notes:
Definition: Our “playbook” is our subconscious intuition that launches judgment and reaction.
Importance: Our “playbook” is extremely important for life. Many of our decisions are made subconsciously. For example, we avoid danger by judging it as such and making necessary changes, often before we are fully aware of what is happening.
How the playbook is made: Experience largely has constructed our internal playbooks. More specifically, painful experiences have a larger effect than blissful experiences. These experiences construct our values, judgments, expectations, and reactions.
How the playbook is maintained: The playbook is maintained when its “plays” are reinforced by repeated or similarly interpreted experiences.
Reality: Our intuitive “playbook” is right a lot of the time. However, it can be and is often wrong.
The effect of an incorrect playbook: Our judgment is incorrect and therefore our words, feelings and actions are motivated from a place of falsehood. We will not respond like Christ would in the situation.
Changing the playbook: The playbook can be changed for the better.
1. Identify your plays - Learn to identify the subconscious reactions you have to people and situations.
· Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now and what experiences in my past are my responses coming from?
2. Learn the playbook of others – Be a student of how they think.
· Learn what their experiences have been. This will inform why they have certain values, priorities and behaviors.
3. Conform your playbook to Christ – We need a standard outside of our experience to compare and correct our intuitions against. Christ is that outside standard.
· Conforming the playbook to Christ comes through intentional decisions and deliberate practice of Christ-like behaviors. Over time, new rules will be created and become our new subconscious intuition and automatic response – renewing our minds after Christ.
Resources for website: Learn more about nurturing cross-cultural relationship with the All Nations Bible Study (acbookstore.org)
Like an athletic team running plays out of their playbook, we become skilled at running plays out of ours. However, those plays are not running or passing plays. Rather, they are intuitions- feelings and thoughts about people and the circumstances that confront us. Our reactions to these situations are so automatic, they operate in our subconscious. In these three episodes of Breaking Bread, Physician Keyna Martinez helps bring our playbook into our conscious awareness so we can learn, adjust and even correct our plays to match more closely with Christ’s.
Show notes:
Definition: Our “playbook” is our subconscious intuition that launches judgment and reaction.
Importance: Our “playbook” is extremely important for life. Many of our decisions are made subconsciously. For example, we avoid danger by judging it as such and making necessary changes, often before we are fully aware of what is happening.
How the playbook is made: Experience largely has constructed our internal playbooks. More specifically, painful experiences have a larger effect than blissful experiences. These experiences construct our values, judgments, expectations, and reactions.
How the playbook is maintained: The playbook is maintained when its “plays” are reinforced by repeated or similarly interpreted experiences.
Reality: Our intuitive “playbook” is right a lot of the time. However, it can be and is often wrong.
The effect of an incorrect playbook: Our judgment is incorrect and therefore our words, feelings and actions are motivated from a place of falsehood. We will not respond like Christ would in the situation.
Changing the playbook: The playbook can be changed for the better.
1. Identify your plays - Learn to identify the subconscious reactions you have to people and situations.
· Ask yourself, what am I feeling right now and what experiences in my past are my responses coming from?
2. Learn the playbook of others – Be a student of how they think.
· Learn what their experiences have been. This will inform why they have certain values, priorities and behaviors.
3. Conform your playbook to Christ – We need a standard outside of our experience to compare and correct our intuitions against. Christ is that outside standard.
· Conforming the playbook to Christ comes through intentional decisions and deliberate practice of Christ-like behaviors. Over time, new rules will be created and become our new subconscious intuition and automatic response – renewing our minds after Christ.
Tragedy comes to us unannounced. It is a shock in the human experience. The new and unwanted reality has a way of troubling us to the core. Yet hope can emerge if a community is present to care for the troubled. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Ted Witzig Jr. speaks to those in the caring community. There are some things to know about support in times of crisis that will prove helpful to the troubled.
Show notes:
Definition of tragedy: Tragedy is a sudden, shock inducing experience that launches us into a place crisis.
Examples of tragedy: Natural disaster, unexpected loss, robbery, assault, accident
Effects of tragedy: Tragedy undermines safety, security and the sense of control. It has a shocking effect in the human experience. Emotionally, tragedy causes grief, sadness, anxiety, and anger. Spiritually, tragedy can surface troubling questions of “why?”.
Community Role in tragedy: Provide support and care for the troubled both in the short term and long term. To do this well, we must be aware of which phase the crisis is in and attempt to match support to the phase.
Tips for the helping community:
· Pace yourself. Victims of crisis need support now, but also down the road.
· It’s okay if you don’t know what to do or say. Victims of crisis care less about you having answers and more about your commitment to walk with them.
· Be patient. Often, helpers make the mistake of wanting to see those in painful places move forward more quickly than they often do.
· Understand your role and relationship to the victim of tragedy. Provide support consistent with that role.
· Be slow to evaluate “how the grieving person is doing.”
· Learn to observe the emotion the hurting person is experiencing and respond to it empathetically.
Tragedy gives the believing community the unique opportunity to act as the family of God. We pray more. We are more thoughtful about what is important in life, and we get to display Christ to the world.
We do what we can to prevent our children from being exposed to pornography. But what if they do become exposed? First time exposure to porn can have long lasting effects on the young mind. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Jacob Feucht coach parents on the do’s and don’ts of engaging our children after exposure.
Show notes:
Consider the following tips if your child has a first time exposure to pornography.
What NOT to do:
Avoid shaming.
This can lead to isolation.
Avoid despair.
This can communicate to the child that irreparable damage has been done.
Avoid rage.
This can drive the issue underground and breakdown communication on the topic of sexuality.
Avoid ignoring.
This will not care for the trauma that has occurred and allow the behavior to go unchecked.
What TO do:
Receive the child in love.
This can prevent shame.
Receive the child with question.
This can give parents the necessary insights to appropriately care for the child.
Receive the child with correction.
This will give the child wise guidance.
Receive the child with patience.
This will allow for an ongoing conversation on the topic of sexuality.
Questions to ask:
What was viewed?
This helps the parent understand what the child has experienced and what ideas have been reinforced.
How did it happen?
This helps the parent coach healthy pro-action and future prevention.
What effect did the exposure have on you?
This allows the parent to demystify and give vocabulary to the experience so that a young person can begin to make sense of it and talk about it.
What did you imagine mom or dad would think about your exposure?
This allows the parent to correct or highlight their perspective on exposure to pornography.
Perspective to keep:
Pornography exposure is not uncommon. If it occurs and complications arise, there is tremendous hope. A lot of help is available for those who struggle with pornography.
Pornography exposure is an opportunity for parents to engage with their children in a wonderful way. Healthy intimate relationships between parents and children can occur as parents walk with their children through the sexual maturation process.
The goal is not keeping our children from pornography; rather, it is growing up our children into healthy young men and women who love God and serve him.
Difficult children demand a lot from parents. Wonderfully, easy children do not. Yet, the easy child should not be overlooked. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Craig Stickling reads a letter from an easy child to her parents. It helps us see the errors we can make when neglecting our easy ones. Moreover, the undue burden that can be placed on them unwittingly.
Show Notes:
Definition: Some children require a lot of parenting. Whether it is a streak of rebellion or special needs, these children might provide parents a unique challenge. We might understand them to be “difficult”.
Definition: Some children do not require a lot of parenting. Whether it is their resilience to respond well to adversity or their innate disposition to please people, these children do not deplete parenting bandwidth. We might understand them to be “easy”.
Problem statement: Parents can overlook the needs of their easy children.
Ill consequences:
Parenting opportunity:
* Note: The letter written by a child and read by Craig on the podcast was shared with permission of the author.
Marriages can find themselves in places of despair. Marriages often assume the problems are symptoms of waning affection. Yet what is actually present is neurodiversity. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer educates us on the impact ADHD can have on marriage relationships and the hope that can be breathed into a marriage when this is understood.
Show Notes:
What is neurodiversity?
What is ADHD?
How can ADHD impact marriage?
What proactive steps can the ADHD spouse make?
What proactive steps can the non-ADHD spouse make?
What hope is there for marital health?
The new year carries a sense of hope for needed change. In this episode of Breaking Bread, the clinical staff from ACCFS share four words to help inspire and guide the changes we need to make. These simple four verbs will be easy to remember and promise helpful practical action.
Show Notes:
Four simple action words that can motivate and guide positive change for our new year.
God saves his people into families. A nurturing community where souls are cared for and loved. In this episode of Breaking Bread, ACCFS’s church outreach team shares the vision that propels the work they do.
Show notes:
Vision: By God’s grace, the Church Outreach division of ACCFS is committed to supporting the local church by providing resources and teaching that equips the local church to care for its members.
Often, our bodies seem like a liability to our emotional, relational, and spiritual health. After all, our flesh is weak. Yet Jesus beautifully sanctioned the bodily experience when He came to earth in the flesh. He showed us that our bodies should not be scorned but instead listened to and exercised to the glory of God. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter and Isaac Funk help us see the role our bodies play in our emotional and spiritual health.
Common Misconceptions:
Truth:
Jesus saw more. He saw what others missed in a setting. He saw what mattered in an interaction. He understood the reasons for a situation when others overlooked it. Jesus saw more. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann highlight critical purpose for the elderly among us. Help us like Jesus helped his disciples – help us see more.
“Grief can’t be avoided; it waits for you to walk through it.” June Knobloch said this. She and her husband understand grief deeply after suffering the loss of their son Jeff to suicide. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Del and June share their story of grief and how they walked through it.
Resources:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
This Lifeline is for people experiencing a crisis and is available 24/7 in the United States. If you need help for yourself, a friend, or family member, call or text 988 right away.
Coping with a Suicide [ACCFS]
As you face life after a loved one’s suicide, remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. This article provides resources to help support you with your lose.
Preventing Suicide [ACCFS]
Those on the front lines of engaging our youth- parents, teachers, employers, mentors and those with a heart for our youth can be proactive in working to be aware and possibly help prevent suicides. This article provides information to help those on the front lines to be there for individuals that are struggling.
Laughter is relational, healing and necessary. In this episode of Breaking Bread ACCFS clinicians Ted Witzig Jr., Brian Sutter, Kathy Knochel and Kaleb Beyer enjoy a light moment together. But don’t underestimate the weighty benefits such moments bring to our mental health.
There are many matters that concern us: struggle, hurt, loss and sorrow abound. Yet, even among these, humor exists. Sometimes laughter springs from surprising places acting as a grace from our heavenly Father who no doubt loves to see his children laugh.
What is laughter?
What are the elements that give rise to laughter?
What are the benefits of laughing?
How can I learn to laugh?
Emotion is like fuel. The right amount, at the right time and for the right purpose, yields wonderful results. However, on a negative note, emotion is like fuel. That is why healthy people know how to regulate their emotions. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kathy Knochel and Brian Sutter coach us on how to do that.
Show Notes:
What is Emotional Regulation?
Why does Emotional Regulation work?
What are some skills for regulating emotions?
Where can I learn emotional regulation skills?
What will be required for me to use regulation skills successfully?
Disagreement in marriage is real. Anyone who is married understands the wisdom of being “equally yoked.” Fortunately, Christians are “equally yoked” on the basis of faith in Christ. Yet, there are many other ideals, values and dreams we might not be so “equally yoked.” In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer gives us a path forward for finding unity in the midst of the conflict this reality brings.
Show notes:
Background: Conflict around values and dreams are uniquely challenging because of the deep-seated nature of the held beliefs. Consider the examples below:
Conflict Intervention: How couples can move through conflict. [Intervention based on Dr. John Gottman’s research]
Youth is a time of life when all manner of ideals are being formed in a person: reasoning skills, social skills, character qualities, work ethic, and academics. And yet, greater than these is the formation of the image our kids will have of God. Their God image is the sum total of their beliefs and feelings about who God is. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter speaks to the importance of shepherding this important formation in our children.
We live in a God-bathed world. He is everywhere and in everything. But too often, we are moving to quickly to see Him. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk coaches us on how to slow down so we can catch up with God.
When we are restless with our ordinary lives, we are forgetting:
Folding laundry, mowing the lawn, cooking, cleaning, fixing and working. Life is pretty ordinary. God must be disappointed in my life. Or is He? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Isaac Funk helps us understand the beauty that is possible in the ordinary.
Aren’t options great? So much to choose! Yet Kathy Knochel brings a surprising twist to the bliss of options. In this episode of Breaking Bread, she will help us see the shadow of options and the surprising value that comes by way of commitment.
Commitment frees us in two ways. It frees us from and it frees us to.
Attention is currency. It has purchasing power. No one needs to explain this to Facebook, Instagram and Snap Chat of course. But for those of us who spend our attention a little here and a little there, we may be surprised to discover attention is not just petty cash. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Arlan Miller and Matt Kaufmann connect the dots between what we pay attention to and who we become.
Wonderfully, hope grows large. God intends to use our attention to grow us into the likeness of Christ.
“But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” 2 Cor 3:18
Marital distress happens. Pain will occur. And when it does, our attachment styles will kick into full gear. Soon we will be behaving according to a script that was written a long time ago. However, these powerful scripts can be rewritten. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains what attachment styles are, how they are written, how they can be rewritten and the difference it makes in the marriage relationship.
Four Attachment Styles:
The Past: Often a secure attachment is constructed when caretakers have not dismissed emotions from children nor have they catastrophized matters.
The Past: When in distress, a child seeks soothing from caretaker but does not find it. The caretaker is not present, or is overwhelmed. The child learns independence and internalizes the struggle.
The Past: When a child was in distress, it intensified distress in caretaker. Child learned that they were responsible for the pain in others.
The Past: When distress occurred in childhood, confusion played out. Addiction or abuse may have been present.
When distress in your relationship turns unhealthy, seek to do the following.
Resources:
One easy and quick way to identify your attachment style is to take the following quiz – The Love Style Quiz. This quiz takes about 15 – 20 minutes to complete and is designed to help you discover your primary attachment style.
How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage
Authors: Milan & Kay Yerkovich
This book seeks to show how early life experiences create an underlying blueprint that shapes your beliefs, behavior, and expectations in your marriage. The authors identify four styles or blueprints and provide principles to help you break free of negative patterns and enhance intimacy.
I should know by now that yelling seldom works. Moreover, it most often works against me. Fortunately, we don’t have to be screamers. On this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter explains how an introspective person makes gains on his/her anger.
Solomon the wise said, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.” Those of us who have lost the battle of self-control know just how mighty “the slow to anger” are. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Brian Sutter helps us understand the emotion of anger. He explains its purpose, how it works and how to live wisely in your own experience so that you might be slow to anger.
The church is God’s family. To participate in church, is to participate in “together.” What if “together” is difficult for you? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kristen Schwind and Ron Messner give voice to the introvert in church. They highlight both the weaknesses and the strengths our personalities pose in how we experience the “together” aspect of church.
Who is an introvert?
Who is an extrovert?
How can introversion in the church be challenging?
How can we walk in an understanding way towards the introvert in church?
What encouragement is there for the introvert?
The church is God’s family. To participate in church, is to participate in “together.” What if “together” is difficult for you? In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kristen Schwind and Ron Messner give voice to the introvert in church. They highlight both the weaknesses and the strengths our personalities pose in how we experience the “together” aspect of church.
Who is an introvert?
Who is an extrovert?
How can introversion in the church be challenging?
How can we walk in an understanding way towards the introvert in church?
What encouragement is there for the introvert?